The Parks Department of PawneeLists about Parks and Recreation, NBC's hit comedy series about perky mid-level bureaucrat Leslie Knope and her zany, lovable co-workers, which ran from 2009 to 2015.
Updated June 15, 2019 838 votes 195 voters 69.5K views
The best Tom Haverford quotes ever uttered on NBC's 'Parks and Recreation' are genuinely hilarious. Tom (Aziz Ansari) is definitely heavy on the sarcasm, and he's somewhat delusional. He has a lot of big ideas, but he rarely puts them into action (the DJ Roomba being a notable exception). He's a wanna-be entrepreneur who has no problem at all with confidence. No, Tom Haverford has real swagger, and he's not afraid to show it. This list includes many of Tom Haverford's funniest quotes from 'Parks and Recreation,' so be sure to vote for your favorites (and add any quotes you love that are missing).
Tom Haverford might have a lot of big plans, but he sure isn't into his job at the parks department. Actually, he's a total slacker, spending his time at work playing games and acting like a real government employee. Tom has a strange language, too. His explanation of how he names foods is one of the best quotes ever on 'Parks and Recreation.' Chicky-chicky-parm-parm, anyone?
There's no doubt that Tom Haverford is one of the most hilarious characters on 'Parks and Recreation,' second only (perhaps) to the brilliant Ron Swanson, whose quotes are some of the best ever uttered on television.
Enjoy this list of the funniest Tom Haverford quotes on 'Parks and Recreation,' and remember to always turn your swag on and treat yo' self once in a while.
So what are the best Tom Haverford quotes? It's up to you to decide.
Make-A-Baby Tuxedo clothing line. A department store with a guest list. White fur earmuffs for men. Contact lenses that display text messages. Invent a phone that smells good. Own a nightclub, call it 'Eclipse,' that’s only open for one hour two times a year. Cover charge? Five thousand dollars. I could keep going...
Tom: If you don’t make it, then you’re on my Dunzo List. Ben: What’s a Dunzo List? Tom: It means you and I are Dunzo! Hanging out and getting food together? Dunzo. You wanna come over to my house and play video games? Dunzo. 'Hey, Tom, you wanna come play put-put with me?' No, we’re Dunzo.
‘Zerts’ are what I call desserts. ‘Trée-trées’ are entrées. I call sandwiches ‘sammies,’ ‘sandoozles,’ or ‘Adam Sandlers.’ Air conditioners are ‘cool blasterz’ with a ‘z’ — I don’t know where that came from. I call cakes ‘big ol’ cookies.’ I call noodles ‘long-ass rice.’ Fried chicken is ‘fry-fry chicky-chick.’ Chicken parm is ‘chicky-chicky-parm-parm.’ Chicken cacciatore? ‘Chicky-catch.’ I call eggs ‘pre-birds,’ or ‘f*ture birds.’ Root beer is ‘super water.’ Tortillas are ‘bean blankies.’ And I call forks ‘food rakes.’
This is one of my favorite pick up strategies: I'm constantly giving women my keys. So far, none of them have shown up. Matter of time. And I've been robbed twice.
