TV Quotes Tom Haverford Quotes  

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The best Tom Haverford quotes ever uttered on NBC's 'Parks and Recreation' are genuinely hilarious. Tom (Aziz Ansari) is definitely heavy on the sarcasm, and he's somewhat delusional. He has a lot of big ideas, but he rarely puts them into action (the DJ Roomba being a notable exception). He's a wanna-be entrepreneur who has no problem at all with confidence. No, Tom Haverford has real swagger, and he's not afraid to show it. This list includes many of Tom Haverford's funniest quotes from 'Parks and Recreation,' so be sure to vote for your favorites (and add any quotes you love that are missing).

Tom Haverford might have a lot of big plans, but he sure isn't into his job at the parks department. Actually, he's a total slacker, spending his time at work playing games and acting like a real government employee. Tom has a strange language, too. His explanation of how he names foods is one of the best quotes ever on 'Parks and Recreation.' Chicky-chicky-parm-parm, anyone?

There's no doubt that Tom Haverford is one of the most hilarious characters on 'Parks and Recreation,' second only (perhaps) to the brilliant Ron Swanson, whose quotes are some of the best ever uttered on television.

Enjoy this list of the funniest Tom Haverford quotes on 'Parks and Recreation,' and remember to always turn your swag on and treat yo' self once in a while.

So what are the best Tom Haverford quotes? It's up to you to decide.
1 47 VOTES

Treat Yo Self

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Treat Yo' Self!
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2 75 VOTES

Chicky Chicky Parm Parm

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‘Zerts’ are what I call desserts. ‘Trée-trées’ are entrées. I call sandwiches ‘sammies,’ ‘sandoozles,’ or ‘Adam Sandlers.’ Air conditioners are ‘cool blasterz’ with a ‘z’ — I don’t know where that came from. I call cakes ‘big ol’ cookies.’ I call noodles ‘long-ass rice.’ Fried chicken is ‘fry-fry chicky-chick.’ Chicken parm is ‘chicky-chicky-parm-parm.’ Chicken cacciatore? ‘Chicky-catch.’ I call eggs ‘pre-birds,’ or ‘f*ture birds.’ Root beer is ‘super water.’ Tortillas are ‘bean blankies.’ And I call forks ‘food rakes.’
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3 56 VOTES

Latin Names for Plants

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Whenever Leslie asks me for the Latin names of any of our plants, I just give her the names of rappers. Those are some Diddies. Those are some Bone Thugs-N-Harmoniums, right here. Those Ludacrises are coming in great.
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4 21 VOTES

Tom Haverford's Big Ideas

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Make-A-Baby Tuxedo clothing line. A department store with a guest list. White fur earmuffs for men. Contact lenses that display text messages. Invent a phone that smells good. Own a nightclub, call it 'Eclipse,' that’s only open for one hour two times a year. Cover charge? Five thousand dollars. I could keep going...
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