One of the first things you'll discover about joblessness is that all the time previously filled with your job and other obligations has changed into a deserted linear wasteland. So what do you do with all the free time? As your brain frantically tries to come up with an answer, you realize that all this thinking has made you tired, and you might as well lie down on your couch to be more comfortable as you wrestle with this dilemma. When you wake up five hours later, you have found your answer: if you're not awake, you can't feel self pity. You then congratulate yourself with a gigantic sandwich before passing into a food coma.
Masturbate Whenever You Want
You've got nowhere to go, and if you're lucky, your neighbors might not know how to password protect their Wi-Fi. There are millions of GigaBytes of free porn out there on millions of sites, so take this time to get to know them better and see if you can set a new personal record in a 24 hour period. Just remember to stock up on hand lotion so you don't start a fire, and switch hands every once in a while. Then you can brag to people about your new personal record at parties."8!"
Guilt Free Hangovers
Normally, you would get dragged out on a weekday by some slacker friend of yours and you would inevitably have too much to drink or do one bowl too many. The next morning you'd wake up feeling like s**t and curse the next eight hours of harsh florescent lighting, domineering boss giving you the dead eye, and the ringing of the phone piercing your brain like an efficient heroine junkie that has just "given up". Now with that pesky job gone, you can get f**ked up every night without the dread of the day after.
Reaquaint With Old Friends
With all this free time you have now, you are free to look old friends up on Facebook and see what they're up to. It will probably go something like this:
A: Hey dude, what's up?
B: Wow, how long's it been, like five, six years?
A: Yeah, I guess. What you been up to? Where are you living right now?
B: Well, I'm living in Denver now with Marcy, but we both just got laid off so we had to sell the place and move into our car. You?
A: I did have a great job up until three months ago when the company went under and I lost all my 401K. I moved back in with my parents.
B: This may seem a little weird, but can I borrow some money?
A: I was going to ask you the same question.