Honorable MentionPhoto: Rob Liefeld / Marvel Comics
I'm sorry. This is not a cover, but it is possibly my favorite thing on the internets. I'm sure you have seen the version some completely AWESOME person drew to "expose" what Caps anatomy would really look like without his clothes on. (If not: LOOK HERE.) (Thanks to a commenter for finding that full-frontal version)This drawing makes me happy on so many levels.
The chest. My god... I mean, how do you get past the pencils phase of this drawing without thinking "maybe if he could actually eat a plate of food off his chest without using his hands, it might be too much?" How? I don't know how, but I'm so glad it happened.Is this the worst?
Cable Looks Like An Actual RectanglePhoto: Rob Liefeld / Marvel
This is what happens when Rob Liefeld asks himself the question, "What if Cable could fit in a bread box?" Seriously, what would possess any human being (or mutant) to get in this position? Sure, you want to hide your horribly drawn feet in a cloud of smoke. That's fine. But no thinking, feeling being would ever crouch like this, unless they were taking a particularly angry dump in the woods and wanted passersby to think they were a forgotten section of aluminum siding.
On the bright side, at least Cable seems to have figured out how to fit three of his fingers into his trigger guard, somehow.Is this the worst?
Wasp WomenPhoto: Rob Liefeld / Image Comics
You may feel a little bit freaked out by this one. Perhaps you haven't seen much of how Rob sees the world. Welcome. Once the shiny glamour of Image Comics in the 90s clears from your eyes, you might feel like something.... you don't know just what.... is off. The young lady in the foreground.... does she actually have internal organs? Why won't someone get her a wheelchair? Clearly her back has snapped in half.
What do you think those pouches contain? As for the giant woman in the back.... note that she is a rare sighting... a Liefeld creation that doesn't have any pouches. That must be why she's wearing a tutu. Note how the sword she is carrying appears to be bolted to her hand -- not actually being gripped, as that would require him to draw a hand "doing something".Is this the worst?
What Goes WherePhoto: Rob Liefeld / Image
At a certain point, I start to feel like Liefeld is just just trolling us. I mean, look at this monstrosity! How do you look at this and think, "Yes, this is good. This is good art and I did a good job." I suppose if your only qualifications are: 1) a giant gun, 2) not having to draw feet, 3) hiding hands, and 4) showing off all the ammo and pouches, then this cover is a homerun.
The character in the foreground is suffering from the worst case of inverse scoliosis in history, and looks like she would tip over in a mild breeze. Also, what the hell is that thing in the back? Clearly it's a rock monster, but do his legs end just off frame? Are his feet directly below his knees? Or is his lady friend on a stool? It has to be one of those three things. He also has five... protuberances coming out of his back, one of which is inexplicably ribbed. Maybe that's the thing that supports his head, somehow, because he clearly doesn't have a neck.Is this the worst?
Is this too easy? Probably. I know better people than I have made their own Liefeld Lists of Pouches and Swords (notably: Progressive Boink) but I think I have a few he missed... plus, it's never a bad thing to collect this much awesome into one place. Imagine if Rob had taken a few anatomy classes? Or maybe even a drawing class or two? Where would we be? We wouldn't have the Honorable Mention on this list, that's for sure. And that's not a world I want to live in.