Unspeakable Crimes The Top Crimes Committed By Guys in Santa Suits  

Beau Iverson
53.6k views 17 items

'Tis the season to be jolly - or, if you're one of these naughty St. Nicks, greedy, lecherous and absolutely, undeniably unfit to set foot in public. Sometimes, Santa goes bad in the most disturbing way possible, so we've put together a list of the most horrible crimes committed by guys dressed in Santa suits. In honor of the holiday season, here are thirteen bank robbing, mall-flashing Santa Clauses that definitely made the naughty list.

What are the top crimes committed by guys in Santa suits? It seems like some of these dudes didn't learn any lessons from the epic Christmas movie Bad Santa, because none of these red-suited perpetrators were very slick in committing these crimes. Some of these Santas are badasses, but others are just run-of-the-mill crooks.  

Santa Attacks a 74-Year-Old Woman with a 2x4

Santa Attacks a 74-Year-Old Wo... is listed (or ranked) 1 on the list The Top Crimes Committed By Guys in Santa Suits
Photo:  Richard Elzey/Flickr/CC BY 2.0

"Peace on earth" and "Goodwill towards men," were not phrases in this mall Santa's vocabulary when he attacked a 74-year-old woman with a 2x4 outside of a shopping center in Hartford, CT.  Allegedly, the elderly woman had stolen a few boxes of Hershey's Kisses from Santa, who promptly chased her and smacked her right in the face with a large plank of wood. Police could find no evidence that the woman had robbed him, and charged Santa with aggravated assault. 

Child Molester Mall Santa Stalks Kids on the Internet

Child Molester Mall Santa Stal... is listed (or ranked) 2 on the list The Top Crimes Committed By Guys in Santa Suits
Photo:  Keith Allison/Flickr/CC BY-SA 2.0

If Dateline NBC's To Catch A Predator had a Christmas episode, this guy could've been the star. Here's what happened: Some creep named James Grey Daniel went on Yahoo Instant Messenger, and solicited a 13-year-old girl for sex. When he arrived at the pre-arranged meeting spot in Mayflower, AR, the police were there, waiting to sting him. In court, he revealed that he had actually worked as a mall Santa for the past several years, meaning that many children had already sat on his lecherous lap and told him what they wanted for Christmas.

Santa with Sunglasses Successfully Robs a Bank

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Video: YouTube

Witnesses were shocked when a man dressed in a full Santa suit - including the beard, the belly, the hat, and a pair of black Raybans - pulled a gun out of his present sack and demanded money from a teller. Several people at the scene said that he was jolly and jovial the entire time, and remained completely in character as Santa. He even told bank patrons that he was just getting some money out to "pay his elves."  How fun! It got serious when "Santa" said that he would return to the bank and kill everyone in sight if it turned out that there were dye packs in the stolen money. 

Children Cry as Santa Gets Arrested for Disorderly Conduct

Children Cry as Santa Gets Arr... is listed (or ranked) 4 on the list The Top Crimes Committed By Guys in Santa Suits
Photo:  DocChewbacca/Flickr/CC BY-SA 2.0

At a major Christmas event in the UK, children were heartbroken to see police arrest Father Christmas for disorderly conduct. After Santa's sleigh showed up at a parade-like event in Norfolk, a man dressed in a Santa suit got into a fist fight with a local teen. When children up and down the street began crying, someone finally called the police. "The children were understandably concerned and upset at seeing what they thought was the real Santa being arrested," said an officer at the scene. "Norfolk Police are certain that the real Santa would not approve of people behaving in this way and of course he will continue his pre-Christmas visits and delivery of gifts everywhere on Christmas Day."