List of crazy Bible verses to shoot back at your Fundamentalist neighbors, ranked by how insane they are, especially in the context of modern life. Just because a verse is not a Commandment doesn't mean it's not in The Bible. Fundamentalists hold the most extreme and literal interpretations of The Bible, and many are quick to point you to a Bible passage for proof that the deeds of others are "evil." Want reason to think that homosexuality is abominable and condemns you to Hell? Check The Bible. Want to think molesting children is fine? The Bible says that's no problem - as long as you say some words quietly into your hands. Conveniently, Fundies ignore some of the most straightforward rules for no reason other than that they just don't fit in with the type of society they want. So, here are those forgotten Christian rules that need to be followed if they're really going to stick to their guns on the whole gay marriage, abortion, and child molestation thing.
DISCLAIMER: This list isn't meant as a hateful gesture towards Christians, but a way to fight irrational responses in debates with (fun) facts.Check out Ranker's other lists, like Companies with Bad Customer Service, the richest black people in America, and this list of Republican Actors.
Women Will Never Teach or Have Authority Over Men
"I permit no woman to teach or have authority over men; she is to keep silent." Timothy 2:11
This is the most often quoted version of this passage, but in The King James Bible, it goes a little bit more like this...
"Let the woman learn in silence with all subjection." which has been translated and taken as the primary passage that doesn't allow women to be preachers. The whole section is really about women not being able to "malign the word of God" if they're not allowed to speak.
Keep in mind the first "big bad" antagonist in The Bible is women, as a gender.
So, since some woman allegedly bit into a delicious looking fruit at some point thousands of years ago, best to attribute one action to an entire gender (just to be safe.)
While this is a little brutal, bringing up this passage to someone who looks like these fine ladies to your left will most likely shut them up (or at the very least garner a really interesting response.)All women holding up hateful signs are officially moot in the eyes of God, much like they are in the eyes of the rational, so hey, there's a good side to this rule.
Even A Look Counts As Adultery
"But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart." (Matthew 5:28)
It's pretty safe to say every adult (and God knows, every teenager), has committed adultery by this standard.
Being attracted to the opposite gender is part of humanity. Law in Western society only prosecutes bad actions -- not bad thoughts, but that's not the way it's supposed to go.How to Use:
Bring around some pictures from Men's Health for the women and some Maxim, perhaps some Playboy, for the men. Get them to look at it and give you an opinion. Most of the time, they will have lustful descriptions and will think nothing of it when they're really violated a cut and dry part of what is supposed to be their belief system. Feel free to shout things like "ADULTERER!" after Gerard Butler and Jessica Alba have made everyone into adequate sinners.
Discipline Your Little Ones
"Happy shall he be, that taketh and dasheth thy little ones against the stones." (Psalm 137:9)
The Bible encourages disciplining your child... by throwing him against a stone wall, baby!
Doing so will apparently make you "happy" (if you're a sadistic psychopath, or if you hate your children.)
This is a dangerous encouragement of violence against helpless children and if followed, could easily be used to justify parents who shake their kids to death to make them stop crying or for simply just child abuse.How to Use:
So next time someone's trying to prove that every passage of The Bible is beautiful and should be closely followed, ask them if they beat their kids.
Women Must Cover Their Hair During Prayer
"But every woman that prayeth or prophesieth with her head uncovered dishonoureth her head..." 1 Corinthians 11:5
Wait, so why the hell wasn't I allowed to wear hats in church?
Fundamentalist Christian women seem to have forgotten this basic rule of church attire reminiscent of Islam. The Bible should have clarified what it means to dishonoureth one's head. Most women walk around with their hair uncovered in all styles in modern society and men aren't having too much trouble keeping it in their pants.How to Use
Mary always wore a veil... why shouldn't they?