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The Top 8 Most Non-Threatening Monsters in Video Games

What's more scary than monsters? Nothing. What's scarier than these monsters? Everything. From ghosts who hide when you look at them, to creatures who just kind of sit there while you kill thousands of them, here are the top 8 monsters that could be completely frightening, but are instead laughable.
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  • 5

    Magikarp - Pokemon

    Video: YouTube

    Out of all of the monsters and strange creatures in Pokemon, there are very few that are actually fearsome. But since Pokemon animals are technically monsters (hence, the "mon"), here is the most useless one.

    Magikarp. Magikarp can suck it.

    Why?

    Because, as a species, they can literally only splash water on you.

    When they evolve they become scary behemoths, which is cool, but until then, they are the worst possible Pokemon.

    They can accomplish essentially what an annoying child can at a barbeque when you're walking misguidedly close to the pool.

    Embedded, you'll find video proof that even acquiring a Magikarp is basically screwing yourself over (this vendor is 100% screwing him.)

    And if you click here , even though it counters my point (kind of), you'll see a video called "Don't F**k with Magikarp" set to the song "Die M**********r Die." Enjoy.
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  • 6

    Plant Monster - Mario Party Advance

    Video: YouTube

    Showing, once again, that Mario Party Advance was basically writers over at Nintendo getting drunk, belligerent and writing the first thing that came into all their minds, as well as making the characters, and every situation they're in, seem like gas station attendants whose last night before they quit is tomorrow, is the dialogue in the following scene from Mario Party Advance, when Bowser convinces you to fight his Plant Monster (scroll to 2 minutes and 55 seconds into the video to the left, or just click here for the jump.)

    This "Plant Monster" is fought by basically playing a game of shuffleboard with your girlfriend. Watch this video and witness you "fighting" a plant monster that dies because you win a game of shuffleboard.

    Literally. This huge, fearsome, overgrown-piranha-plant thing dies (and somehow sinks even though it is already underwater) and sinks (as I already complained about) if you beat your girlfriend at a game of shuffleboard.

    Once again: that game that old people play on Carnival cruises and get bored by after about 40 minutes. This is what kills a monster that Bowser spends about 2 entire minutes building up.

    Worst. Monster. Ever.
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  • 7

    Porings/Slimes

    Video: YouTube

    A poring is a small, jelly-like creature that (up-close) looks like this . They're cute, Kirby-looking creatures that make up some boss battles, but are overall disposable enemies (much like the Murlocs) in Ragnarok Online.

    Click the video to the left to see exactly why these guys can seriously own ASS, but see also why they're really non-threatening at first glance. They're cute and adorable, but unlike zombies, are really not scary or threatening (by ANY stretch of the imagination) until they're in huge, huge numbers.

    This is a video which shows how they CAN be threatening, but only in large numbers called "Poring Carnage". It should actually be called "Poring Apocalypse."
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  • 8

    Doctor Robotnik - Sonic the Hedgehog Games

    Video: YouTube

    Dr. Robotnik is the main antagonist and arch nemesis in the Sonic the Hedgehog franchise. Because of his creepily freaky eyes and insanely misproportioned everything, it is CLEAR that he's not a part of the cute, cuddly, cyborg-animal universe that everyone else is a part of. SO, in turn, he is technically a monster (also, psychologically.)

    Robotnik, in the video games, isn't a huge presence throughout the levels, but you are subject to his mad-scientist genius throughout the entire game.

    Many of his creations are actually far more threatening than he is. And come on, he doesn't even have suitable henchmen to battle Sonic (like, EVER -- see the video to the left), so he fights you himself at the end of each stage. If it wasn't for all the helicarrier levels or all the underground robots he's able to build, one would be driven to think that he's even one of the most poorly-funded villains of all time.

    In addition to all this, his machines are powered by cute forest creatures... which is fairly cruel, but not threatening.

    Nobody is scared of Robotnik, but moreso what he would be capable of if any of his plans ever came to fruition -- which they never do.

    King DeDeDe from the Kirby games was going to make it onto this list, but Robotnik really takes the cake for nemeses who have to fight you themselves and do so miserably on this list.

    On the other hand, check out this kind of amazing fan-trailer for a potential Robotnik movie. Imagine if they treated Sonic the Hedgehog as a sequel, released this first, and took the Sonic movie, like, Avatar-Serious. It could be absolutely amazing.

    Check it out here.

    Bonus points for clever use of a German accent, given the spelling of the name "Robotnik."
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