Total Nerd The Top 8 Rebound Relationships in Video Game History  

John Barryman
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Video game characters go through some of the most arduous emotional torture in all of fiction and through their travels and turmoil, often end up settling romantically for second-best. From losing their only love and turning to kidnapping to taking their brother's sloppy seconds to spending endless quests on the search for someone who's never there, here are the most iconic rebound relationships in video game history.
1

Bowser & Peach


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Video: YouTube

I know what you're thinking, "They're not in a relationship!"

But take a second and think, why does Bowser keep kidnapping her?

It certainly is not to rule the mushroom kingdom alone or else he would just have had her killed. For an answer to this question, let us look to Super Mario Bros 3, where it is revealed that Bowser has 7 teenage children. And if we assume the timing of the games between 1 and 3 is a matter of only a few years, he already had these kids, who in Mario 3 are in their tweens, when he first kidnapped Peach.

All of this leads us to this conclusion: Bowser/King Koopa only kidnapped Peach so that his kids could have a mother. The poor guy's got 7 mouths to feed (and not to mention Bowser Jr. later on) and in the midst of all that, guess what? They need a mother.

I, for one, have always wondered... who made Bowser a father?

Well, let's assume he's not an asexual being that produces children out of his own loins by inseminating himself and then giving a kind of a "virgin" birth kind of thing.

Let's actually assume his wife and/or special lady died (probably in a horrible bridge/lava accident) and Bowser didn't know what to do until he fell hard for a princess who reminded him of his dead wife and decided she would be the soul mate to help him raise his brood.

You put endless amounts of security detail all over your kingdom to protect your new family, but some horny, drug-addled Italian douchebag keeps getting in the way of you raising your 7 kids.

Bowser is the biggest perpetual Rebounder in video game history in that not only is this feasible, but it fuels the plots for the most popular, iconic games in video games, which have actually become synonymous with the medium.

The video embedded here is an example of the huge/terrifying amount of fanfiction out there devoted to this love story -- set to heavy Metal (of course!)
2

Daisy & Luigi


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Video: YouTube

So your sister and her boyfriend are having problems and you've always had a thing for his mustachio'd plumber face. A little kidnapping here a little romance there and your own special place on a portable system and you’ve had a fling with him. But oh no?! He's getting back together with her Peachiness. What's a Daisy to do? Move on to that stud muffin younger brother. Luigi has always played second fiddle to Mario, and even in matters of the heart we suspect Mario got to Daisy first and then left his brother the sloppy seconds.

Embedded here, for your viewing pleasure, is a montage of the whole love square (?) and how great they are together and how Daisy & Luigi's relationship is actually that much more tumultuous because it was a rebound relationship... yet it ends up making them that much stronger.
3

Commander Shephard & Whomever You Choose in Mass Effect


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Video: YouTube

The Mass Effect Dating pool can be a strange situation, but if certain things happen in certain ways, in Mass Effect you could be left heartbroken, and in Mass Effect 2 Commander Shephard is on the Re-Hee-Hee-Bound. If you choose Ashley Williams as your love interest in Mass effect 1 and (SPOILER) then choose her as the character to leave behind you've effectively cut off your ability to get any in the game, so congratulations, everything is just like real life now.

Then comes Mass Effect 2, where you've got quite a few options, actually. But if you're playing as a male character you end up with the options of Tali'Zorah, Jack, or Miranda Lawson (I, for one, chose Tali, because I had a weird childhood.)

The embedded video is an insanely cheesy tribute to the love stories in Mass Effect. At some point, somebody made this, perfected it, uploaded it and tried to get people to click on it. Not only that, but they thought of this idea, spent time executing it and are probably proud of it. People are fascinating.
4

Sonic & Sally or Sonic & Elise


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Video: YouTube

Some of you may not know who Sally Acorn is, but she is actually Sonic's main love interest in the long-running Sonic The Hedghog comic from Archie Comics. For years, Amy Rose has declared herself to be Sonic's girlfriend in the games, but in the giant debate that rages on the internet, a large contention of followers think that Sonic ultimately belongs with Sally.

Amy is, therefore, technically the rebound, but also the keeper. Not to mention the poster girl for the furry/anthropomorphic character movement.

BUT let's not forget about Elise. The human love interest in Sonic the Hedgehog. That's right, she's full-on Human (and not Dancer). They kiss and everything. So even if you poo poo the comics (and yes, I went to college), Sonic still rebounds with another girl, so Amy Rose can suck it (please do not submit any photos of Amy Rose sucking it.)

Confused? Well here's a video that won't clear up a damn thing. Click here for the video of "Single Ladies" set to all of the ladies in Sonic's life.

Embedded here is the entire love triangle (kind of aptly) explained via montage of deviantart/furry pics of the whole cast. It, sadly, does clear things up. The moments match up with the song pretty well, actually. Okay, I think I've been watching too many of these at this point...