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The Craziest Things Jeremy Clarkson Has Said on Top Gear

Updated January 6, 2021 3.8k votes 1.1k voters 116.8k views18 items

If you've never watched Top Gear, you've missed out on years and years of excellent Jeremy Clarkson quotes. Some are well thought out and eloquent but many of them are just crazy bits of words and phrases strung together that sometimes make sentences. The things that Clarkson says often don't make a whole lot of sense. He comes up with analogies and logic that would confuse the most rational and irrational people, along with everyone in between. The best part is, it's almost always hilarious.

Jeremy Clarkson quotes are one of the best parts of Top Gear. Whether he's reviewing a car or driving in the Alps with his two best mates, Top Gear viewers can always count on him to say something crazy. Especially when it comes to introducing the Stig. Or some distant relative of the Stig.

Sometimes Clarkson's quotes come at the expense of his co-stars, but it doesn't matter if he's berating May or beleaguering Hammond, they always seem to love him all the same. At the very least they seem to tolerate him most of the time.

Love him or hate him, Top Gear just won't be the same without Jeremy Clarkson. Just take a look at this list of some his best quotes from the series.
  • 1

    "In Many Ways Then This Car Is like Herpes. Great Fun Catching It but Not so Much Fun To Live with Every Day."

    If there is one thing that Jeremy likes comparing cars to, its STIs. We don't know why and we don't know how, but he certainly has a a knack for making diseases funny.
    Agree or disagree?
  • 2

    "Nothing Turns a 17 Year Old Girl on More Than a Well-Executed Handbrake Turn."


    This one is all about those teenage boys who think that all they have to do is a handbrake turn and any girl will be wildly impressed. Clarkson and May have both referenced this joke many times and have even on occasion talked about themselves as those naive teenage boys many, many, years ago.
    Agree or disagree?
  • 3

    "Aston Martin DB9... That's Not Really a Racing Car, That's Just Pornography."

    Photo: flickr / CC0
    He may be a little crude at times, but it's hard to argue with Clarkson here. You almost have to consider labeling any picture of a DB9 NSFW because of how nice they are.
    Agree or disagree?
  • 4

    "It's a Hard Job. Change Gear, Change Gear, Change Gear, Check Your Mirrors, Murder a Prostitute, Change Gear, Change Gear, Murder. That's a Lot of Effort in a Day."

    Video: YouTube
    This one is all about truck drivers (or lorry drivers as they call them). While driving a lorry and struggling with the constant gear changing, Clarkson expressed just how difficult it must be to work as a driver.
    Agree or disagree?