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The Craziest Things Jeremy Clarkson Has Said on Top Gear

Updated January 6, 2021 4.7k votes 1.1k voters 116.8k views18 items

If you've never watched Top Gear, you've missed out on years and years of excellent Jeremy Clarkson quotes. Some are well thought out and eloquent but many of them are just crazy bits of words and phrases strung together that sometimes make sentences. The things that Clarkson says often don't make a whole lot of sense. He comes up with analogies and logic that would confuse the most rational and irrational people, along with everyone in between. The best part is, it's almost always hilarious.

Jeremy Clarkson quotes are one of the best parts of Top Gear. Whether he's reviewing a car or driving in the Alps with his two best mates, Top Gear viewers can always count on him to say something crazy. Especially when it comes to introducing the Stig. Or some distant relative of the Stig.

Sometimes Clarkson's quotes come at the expense of his co-stars, but it doesn't matter if he's berating May or beleaguering Hammond, they always seem to love him all the same. At the very least they seem to tolerate him most of the time.

Love him or hate him, Top Gear just won't be the same without Jeremy Clarkson. Just take a look at this list of some his best quotes from the series.
  • 1

    "While Juggling... Penguins... While Making Love... To a Beautiful Woman While on Fire, on Stage... In Front of the Queen."


     While discussing the pitfalls of FWD, Clarkson said,

    "Asking the front wheels of a car to do their normal job of steering while handling more than 170hp is like asking a man to wire a plug while juggling... penguins... while making love... to a beautiful woman while on fire, on stage... in front of the Queen. It's all going to go wrong."
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  • 2

    The Renault Espace Is the Syphilis of People Carriers


    Across the pond, a people carrier is essentially a minivan. They're not fans of people carriers on Top Gear, and Clarkson made that abundantly clear with his very colorful and quite hilarious quip about them:

    "The Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers. Not that that's much to shout about. That's like saying, 'Oh good, I've got syphilis, the best of the sexually transmitted diseases!'"
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  • 3

    "... But This Is like Smearing Honey into Keira Knightley."


    Clarkson apparently has a thing for Knightley as he has mentioned her on numerous occasions. This is one of his more tame quotes about the actress. 

     "Driving most supercars is like trying to man-handle a cow up a back staircase. But this is like smearing honey into Keira Knightley."
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  • 4

    "In Many Ways Then This Car Is like Herpes. Great Fun Catching It but Not so Much Fun To Live with Every Day."


    If there is one thing that Jeremy likes comparing cars to, its STIs. We don't know why and we don't know how, but he certainly has a a knack for making diseases funny.
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