When toys are brilliantly designed and ingeniously lifelike, they can be pure magic. And when they're designed to move and function as if they've come to life, the effect is invariably even more majestic and awe-inspiring. But when malevolent toys go bad and try to take a life (either because their design is homicidally faulty or because they become possessed by unseen entities) then things start veering into Chucky territory, and go downhill very quickly.
These toys that came to life should've been sent straight to the (Riker's) Island of Misfit Toys. These aren't just playthings that were accused of being inappropriate or even kind of lame: they're creepy toys that have hurt children. It's actually quite frightening to think of all the times toys took revenge on kids, but then again, everyone knows that playthings move around and hatch diabolical plots when people aren't (and, sometimes, are) looking.
Easter Eggs That Hatched Inside Your Stomach
Nothing says Happy Easter like an exploding Easter egg inside your stomach. In April 2017, Target stores all over the nation recalled a whole empire of Hatch & Grow Easter Eggs, Easter Grow Toys, and Hatch Your Own Dino Eggs products. The reason? If swallowed, the eggs could essentially "hatch" inside stomachs and expand, causing intestinal obstructions that could result in "severe discomfort, vomiting, and dehydration."
Worst of all, swallowing the egg rendered it invisible to surgeons: the US Consumer Product Safety Commission also saw fit to warn "medical professionals and consumers that if the product is ingested, it might not appear on an x-ray." The only thing worse than an alien baby bursting out of your stomach is an invisible Easter chick devouring you from the inside out.
The Cabbage Patch "snacktime" doll had an innocent enough mission: to be a friendly lunchtime companion for kids, and (maybe) to encourage picky eaters to start liking what was put in front of them. However, the latter mission ended up backfiring spectacularly. The dolls, too, stopped caring what they ate. They started using their chompers to gulp down stray locks of children's hair that happened to get caught in their mouths, even tearing one little girl's hair out by the roots until she was practically bald.
By the time the dolls were taken off the market, they had veritable stomachs full of child-tresses - and their lunchtime companions were probably turned off from food for life.
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Malevolent B*tch-Slapping Fairies
Sky Dancers, airborne dolls that came in the form of winged ponies, dolphins, and fairies, were designed to be propelled through the air by way of pull-cord chargers. But said flights didn't go as smoothly as planned.
After awhile, some dolls got sick of being mechanically controlled, and started flying wherever the hell they wanted to fly. And when they got going, they got whirring, angry, and aggressive. According to CNN, Hasbro received a total of 170 reports of dolls "striking children and adults" in some capacity; 150 of those incidents cited multiple eye injuries, including "scratched corneas, incidents of temporary blindness, broken teeth, a mild concussion, a broken rib, and facial lacerations that required stitches." Yikes! (Eventually, the dolls were fixed/lobotomized, and released back into the marketplace).
The Cuddly Stuffed Purple Uterus With Choking-Hazard Ovaries
When the company iheartguts launched a line of cuddly, plush, stuffed body parts for kids (hearts, lungs, pancreas, etc), everybody agreed that it was a cute, clever, and educational idea. The purple uterus that came along with all the other organs was adorable, too, but it had one problem: potentially deadly ovaries.
According to sources, the company ended up calling "for an impromptu hysterectomy so those who own the toys could send them back," as the uterus was deemed "a choking hazard for small children if its fallopian tubes are pulled and the ovaries become detached."
Never let it be said that birth isn't a violent process.