What's the craziest night of your life? Does it put the antics of The Hangover to shame? Fans of over-the-top true stories about crazy nights have come to the right place. If you can literally write the manual on things you shouldn't do while drunk, you know what these ridiculous moments are like.
Don't worry, there's no judgment here. Sometimes, you just need to ingest some questionable substances and go nuts. Whatever your twisted tale, you're in good company. Redditors have shared plenty of true stories about crazy nights that are sure make you laugh, cringe, or simply marvel at the human body's true capabilities.
From accidentally joining an orgy to witnessing crimes, Redditors give honest descriptions of crazy nights out and other wild real life adventures. Read on, and remember to hydrate.
A Hero In A Leather Trench Coat
From an unknown Redditor:
"This took place when I was 18 and by that time I had been caught in several lies and shady sh*t by my parents. They didn't trust me very much and our relationship was rough – any time I stepped out of line, it was a disaster.
I drove my friend and myself to a club, at which there was no parking, so I parked in the lot of a nearby church where there were lots of cars parked (literally the one spot left). We go, we dance, great time is had by all. We take off around 3:00 am or so, which was already past my curfew (but no call from my parents, so I was in the clear). We walk to the church lot and there was my car, all alone, with an 8-foot tall gate locked by a padlock between me and it. F*ck.
I start to freak out. I can't call my parents because they'll flip out that I'm past curfew nearly an hour away from home, and what are they going to do anyway? I bang on the church windows, try to pick the lock with a bobby pin. I called my cousin in the area, and she randomly had a crowbar in her trunk, which we used to attempt to break the lock. Nothing was working, and time was passing.
As I was trying to pick the lock, this goth girl comes walking around the corner, yelling obscenities. Her boyfriend follows behind her, telling her to 'calm down, baby, it's cool.' This guy was also goth and looked wild – bleached, spiked hair, full of piercings, Marilyn Manson contacts, leather trenchcoat with no shirt on and a giant beer belly hanging out, and platform boots. He sees what we're doing and says, 'I can get that done in less than 10 minutes,' and walks away. I just think he's drunk and crazy and brush him off.
A few minutes later, he rolls up in a giant van, hops out, and opens the back. It looked like HOME F*CKING DEPOT. He had every power tool imaginable in there. He grabs a power saw, but we can't find an outlet. This guy grabs a 50 ft. extension cord and somehow climbed this gate and found an outlet on the other side of the church. He comes back, jumps the gate, and grabs his power saw and cuts through the padlock and chain. Sparks flying everywhere, crazy loud, in the middle of our downtown area. He throws the gate open while I'm thanking him profusely and running into my car (by this time, we were closing in on 5:00 am). He just kept saying, 'It's cool, it's cool, you never know when you're going to need f*ck some sh*t up.' I got home just in time to sneak in before my dad woke up."
Blacked Out And Violent
From an unknown Redditor:
"One night we're drinking... a lot. I drink about a 26 to myself and then some, my boyfriend drinks the same. We decide it's sexy-time and run upstairs... Our sexy-times are heavily laden with BDSM. One thing leads to another and the next thing I know I'm naked on our floor. He's on top of me and I'm blindfolded. He leans in and whispers something into my ear. To this day, I don't know what he said, but it was at this point I clearly remember beginning to freak out. I'm screaming, heaving, doing everything I can to get away from him.
My best friend's mother comes in after a few minutes of this to find me buck naked on his floor. 911 is called and from all the screaming [or so I heard the next day] the dispatcher decides to send out two cops, an ambulance AND a firetruck... I black out somewhere between SEEING the mother walk into the bedroom and realizing I'm naked, but still flipping sh*t... and then the EMS team got there.
So everything from this point on is what I hear about the next day. EMS gets there and from... my state, they begin asking what sort of drugs I'm on. No drugs, actually. I'd normally be high on acid or pot but that night our dealer was dry... so nothing. Just alcohol. The begin trying to assess me but I'm too much of a psychopath for any of them to get near me. So they bring in a stretcher and after some kicking, punching, and biting, they get me on the gurney.
As I'm being hauled out of the house, my friends downstairs come up to see what all the fuss is about. It's at this point that I break free from my top straps on the gurney [keeping me down], sit up and I'm screaming at the top of my lungs, with my eyes rolling to the back of my head. My friend says I reminded him of something out of The Exorcist.
I wake up in the hospital the next morning, dazed... I have an IV in my foot, of all places. Strange. So I'm sitting there for a few minutes and a nurse walks by, looks at me and sighs. 'You're up... One of the doctors who was taking care of you last night is still here getting his hand looked after... You broke his hand. You also gave another doctor a bloody nose and fractured a nurse's finger... What were you on last night?'
'Nothing. I was just drinking... actually... Wait, I have an IV in my foot... why?'
'You were putting up such a fight last night and we had to get something in you to calm you down. We couldn't get it in your arm, or in your hand so finally three of us pinned down a foot so we could get the IV in there.'
A Youth Dance Gone Wild
From an unknown Redditor:
"I was a facilitator at a youth group and there was a youth dance going on, which the facilitators were encouraged to go to. I did, and I was the only one, and wound up being bored as a bunch of 16 year olds flirted with each other. There were a couple of other people there too, and so I started talking to this one woman outside, who was obviously a MTF transsexual. Eventually her husband, a FTM transsexual, comes out and joins us for a smoke.
We all agree the event is boring and full of young people, so we wind up getting into their car and going to a gay bar in the area. We do some more chatting and such, until she mentions that we should go to a friend of theirs that lives nearby. So we once again get in the car, and the lady mentions something about 'corrupting me' to which her husband says 'Uh, we didn't agree on that!'
The lady turns onto a certain street, and her husband starts flipping out, going 'Holy sh*t, this is where I used to be a hooker, my pimp is still looking for me, get off this goddamn street or I am going to be in so much sh*t!' So his wife turns onto another street, and eventually we make our way to the friend's house.
So we wind up hanging out there for a while, and the wife keeps flirting with me, and the angry tension radiating from the husband gets worse, until finally at about 2 in the morning, I was like 'I need to get going home.'
I don't have a car, unfortunately, so I have to walk to the nearest train station. This means I have to pass through a well-lit, party street that eventually becomes a poorly lit industrial area before hitting the train station. I'm in said shady part when a car slows down behind me and starts trailing me. I started freaking out inside, while trying to look calm on the outside. The guy continues to do this for a couple of seconds, wherein I go 'F*ck, sh*t, I am going to be raped and killed and my mom is going to stand up at my funeral and say 'I told her she should have gotten her driver's license!''
However, as I'm in mid-freak-out, the guy pulls away from the curb and continues driving down the road at regular speed. At which point, I realized that he thought I was a prostitute and I had lost the chance to make some cash."
You Stole The Wrong Gin
"I went to this party down on the river like 10 years back and there were a lot of thugs and fireworks there. Me and this guy I met see a half gallon of gin just chillin' in the bushes. A few hours go by and it was still there. We ask if anyone's missing a bottle and no one claims it. We start sippin' it hard and get sh*tty when these gangter ass motherf*ckers flip out lookin' for it.
Some one says they saw who it was, 'A bald dude with glasses!' and the hunt was on. Well I was wearing glasses and the other dude was bald. This mob finds the first bald dude with glasses and stomp him then stab him [sic] and throw him in the river. He had no clue what happened and girls were screaming. I remember him saying 'Why am I so cold and wet... what's happening?' His cousin tries to help and gets rocked in the face with brass knuckles till it looks like hamburger. I feel sick to my stomach. I peaced the f*ck out and as I was getting in my car this dude in a F*CKING CHEVY BLAZER wants to race my 'rice burner' (1986 Toyota Corolla) on a twisty backroad I know like the back of my hand. I say no way but he threatens to rock me if I don't so I hop in my car and dip.
He follows me for about 2 turns and flips his ride off the side of the road. I keep rolling out because there's already cops on the way for the potentially dead people in the river (they were o.k. I found out later, but had long stays in the hospital). The next day my friend tells me he was passed out drunk in the back of his friends Blazer that rolled the night before and he wasn't feelin' too good because of it. I told him what happened and we had an awkward laugh..."