What's the craziest night of your life? Does it put the antics of The Hangover to shame? Fans of over-the-top true stories about crazy nights have come to the right place. If you can literally write the manual on things you shouldn't do while drunk, you know what these ridiculous moments are like.
Don't worry, there's no judgment here. Sometimes, you just need to ingest some questionable substances and go nuts. Whatever your twisted tale, you're in good company. Redditors have shared plenty of true stories about crazy nights that are sure make you laugh, cringe, or simply marvel at the human body's true capabilities.
From accidentally joining an orgy to witnessing crimes, Redditors give honest descriptions of crazy nights out and other wild real life adventures. Read on, and remember to hydrate.
From an unknown Redditor:
"This took place when I was 18 and by that time I had been caught in several lies and shady sh*t by my parents. They didn't trust me very much and our relationship was rough – any time I stepped out of line, it was a disaster.
I drove my friend and myself to a club, at which there was no parking, so I parked in the lot of a nearby church where there were lots of cars parked (literally the one spot left). We go, we dance, great time is had by all. We take off around 3:00 am or so, which was already past my curfew (but no call from my parents, so I was in the clear). We walk to the church lot and there was my car, all alone, with an 8-foot tall gate locked by a padlock between me and it. F*ck.
I start to freak out. I can't call my parents because they'll flip out that I'm past curfew nearly an hour away from home, and what are they going to do anyway? I bang on the church windows, try to pick the lock with a bobby pin. I called my cousin in the area, and she randomly had a crowbar in her trunk, which we used to attempt to break the lock. Nothing was working, and time was passing.
As I was trying to pick the lock, this goth girl comes walking around the corner, yelling obscenities. Her boyfriend follows behind her, telling her to 'calm down, baby, it's cool.' This guy was also goth and looked wild – bleached, spiked hair, full of piercings, Marilyn Manson contacts, leather trenchcoat with no shirt on and a giant beer belly hanging out, and platform boots. He sees what we're doing and says, 'I can get that done in less than 10 minutes,' and walks away. I just think he's drunk and crazy and brush him off.
A few minutes later, he rolls up in a giant van, hops out, and opens the back. It looked like HOME F*CKING DEPOT. He had every power tool imaginable in there. He grabs a power saw, but we can't find an outlet. This guy grabs a 50 ft. extension cord and somehow climbed this gate and found an outlet on the other side of the church. He comes back, jumps the gate, and grabs his power saw and cuts through the padlock and chain. Sparks flying everywhere, crazy loud, in the middle of our downtown area. He throws the gate open while I'm thanking him profusely and running into my car (by this time, we were closing in on 5:00 am). He just kept saying, 'It's cool, it's cool, you never know when you're going to need f*ck some sh*t up.' I got home just in time to sneak in before my dad woke up."
From an unknown Redditor:
"One night we're drinking... a lot. I drink about a 26 to myself and then some, my boyfriend drinks the same. We decide it's sexy-time and run upstairs... Our sexy-times are heavily laden with BDSM. One thing leads to another and the next thing I know I'm naked on our floor. He's on top of me and I'm blindfolded. He leans in and whispers something into my ear. To this day, I don't know what he said, but it was at this point I clearly remember beginning to freak out. I'm screaming, heaving, doing everything I can to get away from him.
My best friend's mother comes in after a few minutes of this to find me buck naked on his floor. 911 is called and from all the screaming [or so I heard the next day] the dispatcher decides to send out two cops, an ambulance AND a firetruck... I black out somewhere between SEEING the mother walk into the bedroom and realizing I'm naked, but still flipping sh*t... and then the EMS team got there.
So everything from this point on is what I hear about the next day. EMS gets there and from... my state, they begin asking what sort of drugs I'm on. No drugs, actually. I'd normally be high on acid or pot but that night our dealer was dry... so nothing. Just alcohol. The begin trying to assess me but I'm too much of a psychopath for any of them to get near me. So they bring in a stretcher and after some kicking, punching, and biting, they get me on the gurney.
As I'm being hauled out of the house, my friends downstairs come up to see what all the fuss is about. It's at this point that I break free from my top straps on the gurney [keeping me down], sit up and I'm screaming at the top of my lungs, with my eyes rolling to the back of my head. My friend says I reminded him of something out of The Exorcist.
I wake up in the hospital the next morning, dazed... I have an IV in my foot, of all places. Strange. So I'm sitting there for a few minutes and a nurse walks by, looks at me and sighs. 'You're up... One of the doctors who was taking care of you last night is still here getting his hand looked after... You broke his hand. You also gave another doctor a bloody nose and fractured a nurse's finger... What were you on last night?'
'Nothing. I was just drinking... actually... Wait, I have an IV in my foot... why?'
'You were putting up such a fight last night and we had to get something in you to calm you down. We couldn't get it in your arm, or in your hand so finally three of us pinned down a foot so we could get the IV in there.'
"Friends had a small get together for a combined birthday. We didn't expect anything to go down but sh*t got weird. It turned into a 10 person orgy.
Anyways, it started when I skunked these two girls in beer pong, so they did the naked mile... and just never put clothes back on. We start doing body shots off them and people are finger-banging them while doing shots... then blow jobs...and next just straight up sex... it was like four girls to six guys... it prolly didn't help that we all took ecstasy but yo...goes down as one of the weirdest nights of my life."
"I had the craziest night of my life thanks to a lot of alcohol and a touch of ecstasy. I went to the local gay bar because gays have the most fun. Nearing the end of the night I went back to a guy's house with two lesbians, him and I. As the lesbians and I are hanging out the gentlemen asks me to suck his d*ck, he pulls it out and wants me to touch it. I was drunk and high but not THAT high, so I politely refused. I went outside to star gaze and one of the lesbians followed me.
She laid next to me under the stars and started feeling up my chest. I was dating a girl at the time and told her no, I'm in a relationship, I can't do that, so she stopped. Then we went back inside to pass out on the floor. She started feeling me up again and, again I politely refused.
This time she didn't take no for an answer and pulled down my pants. I was too drunk and high at this point to say no anymore and she started blowing me. Also, thanks to the booze and drugs I couldn't get hard at all. Looking down it seemed as if she was chewing on a stick of bubble gum. She looked up at me with her blow job eyes, and then asked 'Are you gay?' Now, because I didn't get hard and after her accusing me of being gay I had to prove I wasn't, so I flipped her over and fingered her until I passed out on her.
Passed out on the floor of a man's house who wanted me to blow him with a lesbian who unsuccessfully tried to suck my d*ck. Weird f*cking night."