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9 Completely Hilarious Police Training Videos

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How do cops handle Satanists? How about men wielding machetes? Would a cop be able to tell a normal, upright citizen from a dangerous neurotic criminal hiding in plain sight? Luckily, there are tons of weird police training tapes for all of these scenarios.

Dating from the 1950s to the present day, police departments have produced tons of crazy police training videos that highlight some kooky and downright baffling situations. This list compiles some of the oddest police training videos and it makes you wonder what exactly these departments were thinking when they made them.

  • Knives Vs. Cops

    Knives Vs. Cops
    Video: YouTube

    In case you didn't know, a man running at you with a machete means you're probably in imminent danger. That's the moral of the story from this hilarious 80s police training video that highlights how dangerous someone with a knife can be.

    Though thanks to this handy dandy video, you now know your options. When confronted with someone holding a knife, upon request, they'll either drop the knife and apologize, or they might stab you in the face. Be ready for either option.

    The fact that everyone in this video appears Canadian is just icing on the cake for an already hilarious video. 

  • Your Friendly Neighborhood Satanists (And How to Arrest Them)

    Your Friendly Neighborhood Satanists (And How to Arrest Them)
    Video: YouTube

    That pesky Constitution! According to the narrator in this 1994 law enforcement video, a lot of unsolved murders have ritualistic undertones that can tie directly back to Satanism, but it's difficult for cops to do anything because Satanism is protected under the freedom of religion section of the US Constitution.

    If you ever wanted to learn all about the meaning behind Satanism (gratification of the flesh! power!), how one gets initiated into Satanism (a promise to sacrifice children!), and how to apprehend a Satanist, then this is the video for you. Plus, it's all narrated by a guy in a fuzzy carpet sweater, which automatically gives it an air of authority. 

  • Never Underestimate a Knife

    Never Underestimate a Knife
    Video: YouTube

    Think you're a safe distance away from a suspect? Think again! This video highlights how cops can handle someone attacking them with a knife, and the results are both informative and hilarious.

    The real fun begins around the 1:27 mark, where the instructor shows how far away you have to be. For some reason, they felt it would be best to add in stabbing sound effects and footsteps running away. Now it just feels like a comedy where the person slowly keeps getting farther away from an individual, only to have a bad guy run up and stab them.

    For your information, it's apparently best to be at least 21 feet away from any suspect to avoid getting stabbed. 

  • The Odd Couple

    The Odd Couple
    Video: YouTube

    The best part about this 1974 training video is the setup before it actually teaches us something. Two cops sit on a bench chatting when one of them asks for clarification about "knock and notice." His partner then chastises him, asking how in the heck did he get this guy as a partner, before the video launches into one of the most awkward transition scenes ever. The two cops get up from their bench, walk sloooooowly to their cop car, start it up, then sloooowwwlly start to drive away before one of them starts talking.

    The video then follows these two cops as they learn all about forcible entry. At times, it's so 70s that you half-expect Disco Stu from The Simpsons to suddenly pop up.