Weird History

The Award For All Time Worst Names To Give Your Kid Goes To The Puritans 

Eric Luis
Updated November 5, 2019 1.5k votes 244 voters 8.3k views 30 items

List Rules Vote up the Puritan names worse than wearing a scarlet letter.

Puritan settlers in the New World provided crucial foundations for the beginnings of the United States of America, but thankfully Puritan names never quite caught on as readily. Ranging from “Fly-Fornication” to “Humiliation,” names for Puritan children took a strong stance on conservative values, a child's self-esteem be as damned as any sinner's! While easy to brush Puritan children names off simply as a relic of the past, contemporary writings shows even their peers mocked puritans for their ridiculous names. Considering they repressed their own penises, the Puritans probably saw their non-secular names as simply another cross to bear.

About as riveting as a Puritan's sex life, each of the names listed below exist as real, verified first names given by Puritan parents to children who probably welcomed the chance to become witches and displease their parents. In Curiosities of Puritan Nomenclature, a book published in 1888, author Charles W. Bardsley shares his collection of the most bizarre names of the puritan culture. In the text, Bardsley answers a question that not many people have asked: how did Puritans get their names? But a better question might be, with a name like "Increased" or Faint-Not," how did Puritans go out in public?

list ordered by
1
Fly-Fornication
2
If-Christ-Had-Not-Died-For-Thee-Thou-Hadst-Been-Damned
3
Humiliation
4
Dancell-Dallphebo-Marke-Antony-Dallery-Galleiy-Caesar
5
Abstinence
6
More-Fruit
7
Hate-Bad
8
Jesus-Christ-Came-Into-The-World-To-Save
9
Damned
10
Fight-The-Good-Fight-Of-Faith
11
Silence
12
Hate-Evil
13
Job-Rackt-Out-Of-The-Ashes
14
Prudentia
15
Helpless
16
Increased
17
Joy-In-Sorrow
18
Thanks
19
No-Merit
20
Free-Gift
21
Faint-Not
22
Fear-God
23
Abuse-Not
24
Obey
25
Sin-Deny