Weird History The Award For All Time Worst Names To Give Your Kid Goes To The Puritans  

Eric Vega
1.4k votes 224 voters 7.6k views 30 items

List Rules Vote up the Puritan names worse than wearing a scarlet letter.

Puritan settlers in the New World provided crucial foundations for the beginnings of the United States of America, but thankfully Puritan names never quite caught on as readily. Ranging from “Fly-Fornication” to “Humiliation,” names for Puritan children took a strong stance on conservative values, a child's self-esteem be as damned as any sinner's! While easy to brush Puritan children names off simply as a relic of the past, contemporary writings shows even their peers mocked puritans for their ridiculous names. Considering they repressed their own penises, the Puritans probably saw their non-secular names as simply another cross to bear.

About as riveting as a Puritan's sex life, each of the names listed below exist as real, verified first names given by Puritan parents to children who probably welcomed the chance to become witches and displease their parents. In Curiosities of Puritan Nomenclature, a book published in 1888, author Charles W. Bardsley shares his collection of the most bizarre names of the puritan culture. In the text, Bardsley answers a question that not many people have asked: how did Puritans get their names? But a better question might be, with a name like "Increased" or Faint-Not," how did Puritans go out in public?

list ordered by

1
83 37
Fly-Fornication

2
66 30
If-Christ-Had-Not-Died-For-Thee-Thou-Hadst-Been-Damned

3
41 12
Humiliation

4
43 17
Abstinence

5
36 13
Damned

6
41 17
More-Fruit

7
42 18
Hate-Bad

8
44 20
Dancell-Dallphebo-Marke-Antony-Dallery-Galleiy-Caesar

9
40 17
Jesus-Christ-Came-Into-The-World-To-Save

10
29 12
Fight-The-Good-Fight-Of-Faith

11
32 15
Silence

12
31 16
Prudentia

13
24 11
Helpless

14
27 14
Hate-Evil

15
30 17
Increased

16
24 12
Thanks

17
27 15
Job-Rackt-Out-Of-The-Ashes

18
27 16
Joy-In-Sorrow

19
22 14
Fear-God

20
22 14
Faint-Not

21
22 15
Abuse-Not

22
24 17
No-Merit

23
25 18
Free-Gift

24
19 14
Sin-Deny

25
18 13
Give-Thanks