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1.1k voters

Funny Weed Jokes To Pack In Your Brain Bowl

Updated July 23, 2019 12.6k votes 1.1k voters 13.0k views25 items

List RulesVote up the weed jokes that have you laughing whether you're high on the green or life.

Jokes are a great way to get high on life. Weed is a great way to get high on... well, weed. When the two come together, you have a surefire way to have a great time with friends. Or if you're smoking a bowl by yourself, you can chuckle to your heart's content with these weed jokes. These puns and bits are ready to be harvested, so read them to your stoner friends to show them just how funny you are. 

A lot of comedians rely on cannabis during their stand-up sets. However, even if you are stone-cold sober, you can still find the humor in these jokes about being stoned. After all, it's a pretty humorous activity. You smoke a plant, and then you want to watch The Wizard of Oz while eating Spicy Nacho Doritos for hours on end. It's a great way to spend a Saturday afternoon. 

This list has gathered together plenty of funny weed jokes. You can bookmark this page if you are certain you will want to entertain your stoner friends with these hilarious bits. Make sure to vote for the ones that made you laugh the hardest. If you're already stoned, then these jokes will likely be 10 times funnier!

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  • 1
    563
    59

    Why don't stoners get into arguments?

    Because they take the high road.

  • 2
    572
    61

    What do you call a stoner dropping weed on the floor?

    Drug abuse

  • 3
    532
    116

    Did you hear about the kid who overdosed on weed?

    Neither did I.

  • 4
    418
    78

    What does weed and the Carolina Panthers have in common?

    They both get smoked in bowls.

  • 5
    542
    122

    How do you know you're a true stoner?

    When you wash your bong more often than your dishes!

  • 6
    523
    116

    What do you call a pothead with two spliffs?

    Double jointed.

  • 7
    409
    78

    What did the paper say to the weed?

    Let's roll!

  • 8
    399
    81

    What do you call someone who says they remember Woodstock?

    A liar

  • 9
    819
    268

    What kind of car does a stoner drive?

    A Blazer!

  • 10
    393
    97

    How many potheads does it take to change a lightbulb?

    Screw it, just use a lighter.

  • 11
    385
    100

    What is April 21st known as?

    National Drug Test Day

  • 12
    380
    100

    "You know, you can go to jail for weed."

    "Wait, they have weed in jail?!"

  • 13
    285
    65

    Why is a roach clip called a roach clip?

    Because "pot holder" was already taken.

  • 14
    266
    119

    How do sharks get high?

    With reefer!

  • 15
    278
    133

    If two stoners are in the backseat, then who's driving?

    The cop.

  • 16
    319
    160

    What do you get when you eat marijuana?

    A pot belly.

  • 17
    260
    122

    What did the stoner say before the cops broke up the party?

    Let's blow this joint!

  • 18
    260
    124

    What do you call Harrison Ford when he smokes weed?

    Han So-High

  • 19
    301
    154

    What do you call a potato that smokes weed?

    A baked potato.

  • 20
    397
    219

    What's the difference between a drunk driver and stoned driver at a stop sign?

    The drunk driver runs it. The stoned driver waits for it to turn green.

  • 21
    404
    255

    What's the difference between stoners and politicians?

    Politicians don't inhale. They just suck.

  • 22
    247
    181

    Why did the stoner put Cheerios in the ground?

    He thought they were bagel seeds.

  • 23
    195
    165

    Did you hear about the stoners who planned on robbing a medicinal marijuana shop?

    First, they had to case the joint.

  • 24
    171
    143

    What do you call a high Pikachu?

    A Tokemon!

  • 25
    90
    81

    What do stoners put on spaghetti?

    Legalized marinara!