Weird Nature
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The Weirdest Animal Penises of All Time

Updated May 12, 2020 41.4k votes 14.9k voters 2.2m views10 items

List RulesVote up the most unusual animal penis.

The strangest penises on earth are located within the confines of this marvelous list. Peruse the penises of animals from all walks of life to see how unique their units are. You will not believe the shapes and sizes you will read about and the uses you will learn about. As if sex on "Animal Planet" wasn't crazy enough, these animal penises are the craziest and most cartoonish packages that a female counterpart could ever ask (or not ask) for.

Dolphin penis might sound like the name of a dinner in a foreign country, but they are in fact insanely retractable monsters that grope fellow dolphins (and the occasional sea diver) left and right. If that's too normal, then perhaps a tortoise penis will be amusing enough. These tubes are in the shape of a cylinder that, as a female tortoise seduces him, will result in a puffed up package that is twice its original size. And maybe you should check out your pet at home, since "red rocket" dog and "genitally-barbed" cat penises are some of the most unusual peckers out there.

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    Whales

    Despite Ron Burgundy's false claim that San Francisco translates to "a whale's vagina," San Francisco might be the size of a whale's penis. This freakishly big whale wiener, especially a blue whale, is prehensile at the tip and can beat out the elephant in penis size. They can grow several feet long - the biggest is the blue whale penis at freaking 10 feet long!

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    Dogs

    Humans seem to raise the animals with the strangest freaking penises. Dog members are so unbelievably weird.

    Exhibit A: the "Copulatory Tie" - they've garnered nicknames like "witch fingers," which is extremely accurate, and of course "red rockets" with "lipstick."

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    Elephants

    Mazel tov to the elephant, who has one of the freakishly largest penises on the planet. It can reach up to 39 inches in length.

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    Horses

    "Hung like a horse" might be a saying, but it'd also be horrifying. These weirdly big penises up to 50 percent in lengthwhen aroused.

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