Dolphin penis might sound like the name of a dinner in a foreign country, but they are in fact insanely retractable monsters that grope fellow dolphins (and the occasional sea turtle) left and right. If that's too normal, then perhaps a tortoise penis will be amusing enough. These liquid tubes are in the shape of a cylinder that, as a female tortoise seduces him, will result in a puffed up package that is twice its original size. And maybe you should check out your pet at home, since "red rocket" dog and "genitally-barbed" cat penises are some of the most unusual peckers out there.
Dolphin dongs are out of this world and frankly deserve to stay underwater. Dolphins have penises that are so terrifyingly long and retractable that they are constantly wrapping them around females (and males) to have relations. The dolphin penis can also swivel, and can operate like a human hand, to feel out objects.
Echidnas are spiny anteaters with four-headed penises. You read that correctly; when an echidna is having disgusting sex with a lady, two of its heads do nothing while the other two shoot a double-whammy of semen.
Maybe the tortoise beat the hare because it was so well-endowed. These hydraulic cylinders barely bend once they're boners, which swell with liquid and can double both in size and width when excited enough. Turtle penis muscles are also reportedly “physiologically rugged” and of “extreme endurance.”
Mazel tov to the elephant, who has one of the freakishly largest penises on the planet. It can reach up to 39 inches in length, and 6 inches in diameter (at the base). Its orifice is shaped like the letter Y while its erection is shaped like the letter S. The elephant penis also has a mind of its own, and is independently mobile from the rest of the pelvis.