Watching a dinosaur movie is always a gamble. Other than Jurassic Park, there hasn't really been another film that used dinosaurs in a way that isn't cringe-inducingly terrible. There are very few dinosaur movies that don't suck, but that hasn't stopped screenwriters from grafting the archaic reptiles onto otherwise normal stories, no matter how bizarre the consequences.
There are way too many bad dinosaur movies out there, but luckily, a lot of these awful movies are so bad they're good. It's a fine line to walk, but any movie starring Paul Walker as an animatronic T. rex is just too fascinating to ignore.
Someone should have killed these ideas before the cameras started rolling, but somehow, they managed to avoid extinction. Seriously, any of these titles could take home the prize for the worst use of dinosaurs in film history, and that's truly saying something. By the time the credits roll, you'll be begging to be hit by a meteor.
- Photo: Imperial Entertainment
Hey, remember that time that Paul Walker had his consciousness transferred into a giant, animatronic Tyrannosaurus rex? No? Well you might want to check out Tammy and the T-Rex, a film that probably didn't make it into Paul’s “In Memoriam” reel at the Oscars.
The flick stars a teenage Denise Richards playing the titular Tammy. She’s a high schooler without a care in the world, until her boyfriend (Paul Walker) is thrown into a pit of hungry lions by her jealous ex. After being mauled to the verge of death, a deranged scientist puts Paul’s brain into a giant mechanical T. rex. Oh, and the scientist is the same actor who played Bernie in Weekend at Bernie's.24550Is this the worst?
- Photo: New Line Cinema
This 33.5 million dollar disaster was the most expensive direct-to-video movie ever when it was first released. The futuristic, prehistoric, confusing-as-Hell movie is probably the lowest point of Whoopi Goldberg’s career, and it’s not hard to see why.
Theodore Rex follows Whoopi Goldberg as a futuristic super cop who gets paired with a clumsy dinosaur for… reasons? It’s not really clear why there are dinosaurs in this movie, but there sure are.
Whoopi and Teddy work together to stop an evil billionaire from inciting a new Ice Age and eradicating all life on the planet, because it will make him rich or something. It's unlikely that the actual screenwriter of this thing could explain the plot any better.30495Is this the worst?
- Photo: Troma Entertainment
Everything about this movie is terrible, from the special effects to the hyper-sexualization of the "nymphoid" protagonist. The film is set in a radioactive post-apocalyptic wasteland where men have become deformed savages, and giant, mutated lizards rule the Earth.
While the giant monsters aren't exactly dinosaurs, the film's creators don't let semantics get in the way of their sick "dinosaur" movie. For some reason, living in a dinosaur hell makes people excessively horny. All throughout the film, the nymphoid heroine can barely resist being ravished by the local mutants, and it appears that feminism is an extinct concept in this depraved hellscape.18954Is this the worst?
Dinosaur IslandPhoto: New Concorde
It's hard to understand why so many terrible dinosaur movies try to sell themselves on sex appeal, as is the case with 1994's Dinosaur Island. The film looks like something straight out of the 1970s with it's terrible effects and degrading portrayal of women, but this movie actually came out after the original Jurassic Park.
The plot follows a military crew whose vessel goes down on an uncharted island, only to be taken in by a tribe of gorgeous cavewomen looking to go down on them. The men must aid the women, who are big fans of virgin sacrifices, in fighting off a vicious dinosaur known as the Great One in order to win their affections.15147Is this the worst?