READ Strangest Methods of Masturbation  

Chase Christy
71.2k views 9 items

Masturbation is a taboo subject in the Western world, which makes any deviation from standard methods of self pleasure even more strange in comparison. You're unlikely to find too many people who want to go into great detail on run-of-the mill wank techniques, let alone odd auto-clitoral stimulation practices or otherworldly hog spanking techniques. For those inclined to indulge your central naughty system in some deviant arousal, the anonymity of the Internet, a veritable breeding ground for hedonism, is a beautiful thing; weird masturbation methods abound. 

For some, the following list of strange masturbation techniques may contain things far too afield of accepted self-regulatory methods for your comfort. For others, foreign objects in the anus may be the most vanilla thing you do, in which case these bizarre ways to choke the chicken will fit right in with regular methods of sexual engine maintenance. If you're home alone and the NSA isn't watching (they probably are, tbh), what's the difference? Try your hand at these freaky self pleasure techniques, all of them among the strangest masturbation methods in the world. 

Autoerotic Asphyxiation

Autoerotic Asphyxiation is listed (or ranked) 1 on the list Strangest Methods of Masturbation
Photo: Martin van Maële/Public Domain

If you've ever wanted some literal choking with your chicken strangling, behold the joys of autoerotic asphyxiation. This method of hand-cranking the baby-making clock is fairly common, yet can be deadly if necessary precautions aren't taken. The sexual CPU defrag technique involves temporarily cutting off the flow of oxygen to the brain, usually with a belt, rope, or similar instrument. When this happens, you get a high, which intensifies orgasm. Nearly 1,000 people die each year due to accidental strangulation during autoerotic asphyxiation. You can quite literally jerk yourself to death. 

Celebrities such as David Carrdine, Albert Dekker, and Michael Hutchence, among others, reportedly died asphyxiating themselves during naughty time. 

Flesh Alternatives

Flesh Alternatives is listed (or ranked) 2 on the list Strangest Methods of Masturbation
Photo:  Fleshlight

Fleshlight is a popular brand name for what is more crassly and generically called a pocket p*ssy. These sex toys were patented in 1998 by a man named Steve Shubin, and are designed to mimic the look and feel of a vagina. The unit is housed in a plastic container that resembles a flashlight.

Since the advent of the handheld pound hole, countless version of Fleshlights have hit the market, including mouths and buttholes. You can even purchase Fleshlights molded after your favorite pornstars’s jizz buckets. If you're looking for more than one mouth to feed, you can purchase a replica of entire mid-section, complete with thighs, anus, p*ssy, butt cheeks, and a bit of tummy. 

If you're in prison or quite enterprising, try whipping up a fifi (and homemade fleshlight).

Autofellatio/Autocunnilingus

Autofellatio/Autocunnilingus is listed (or ranked) 3 on the list Strangest Methods of Masturbation
Photo:  Wellcome Library/Public Domain

Autocunnilingus (for women) and autofellatio (for men) is fancy way of saying sucking yourself off. The form of masturbation consists of the orally stimulating of your own skittle and gravy biscuit or dong and eggs. As you might imagine, auto-oral is pretty difficult. However, people have been getting it done for quite some time, especially men with the right combination of length and flexibility to taste the rainbow.

Accounts of self-slurping date back to religious writings of Ancient Egyptians (who had a goddess of moisture, so obviously they had naughty sauce on the mind). One example details sun god Ra fellating himself and spitting out his semen to create deities Shu and Tefnut. Talk about immaculate conception. You might want to hit the yoga studio to get limber before trying to take yourself to Oral Town. 

Thinking Off

Thinking Off is listed (or ranked) 4 on the list Strangest Methods of Masturbation
Photo: José Ferraz de Almeida Júnior/Public Domain

Thinking off utilizes breath and energy to bring about sexual climax. Barbara Carrellas developed the method in the 1980s, when the AIDS epidemic forced people to explore avenues to sexual pleasure that didn't involve hurling a Quaffle through one of three goal hoops. When thinking off, practitioners take deep breaths, concentrate on an erogenous zone, and fantasize until climax is reached. Sound ridiculous? There are documented cases of women successfully utilizing the technique. For men, it's possible, but more difficult, as it's harder for them to reach orgasm without physical stimulation. 

Speaking on her views of sexuality, Carellas told CBS News, "I really like solo sex. I am not partner-fixated. Society has an extremely limited view of what sexuality is."