We've all been there before. You feel that familiar bubbling as your insides twist and turn more than an episode of Game of Thrones. Panicked, you look everywhere for an acceptable place to drop trow and release your inner demons. You've heard stories of weird places people have had to poop, but you never thought you would be one of them.
Sometimes, your body has a mind of its own. The urge to drop a deuce can hit at the most inconvenient times. Maybe while you're enjoying a beautiful, romantic sunset on a tropical beach. Nothing ruins romance like diarrhea splashing onto your ankles.
From the mountains of Nepal to the slide at a local playground, real people share the weirdest place they've ever had to go number two.
On A Tarantula
"My dad and I had a secret fishing hole, which was about a 2-mile hike into the mountains. I really needed to go during one of our fishing trips, so my dad told me to go find a rock to rest on and do business.
I find this really large mossy green rock to sit on, and as I'm looking down at the ground wondering what is going to happen to my feces once I leave, I see this huge tarantula scuttling towards me. Not entirely done, I hurried to push out my poop. The tarantula ends up running right in between my legs and my poop lands directly on top of it. I proceeded to run out of the woods screaming with my pants still down at my ankles."
On A Toilet Already Covered In Someone Else's Sh*t
"I was at dollar draft night on a Wednesday. For those of you who haven't experienced dollar drafts, basically they're really cheap [and] disgusting, you get a glass of it for a dollar. Well on this one particular night the drafts were so bad that after I drank 5 of them, I got the insta-sh*ts. I felt like I was about to sh*t myself. The bar I was at though was notorious for having the most disgusting bathrooms ever, so I decided not to take a sh*t there.
Instead, I ran across the street to McDonalds. I ran into the bathroom, which had one stall, and the toilet in that stall already had sh*t on the front of the seat. By now I was so close to sh*tting myself I could feel all the pressure built up right on the edge of my butthole. So I said f*ck it, and squatted over the toilet. All this pressure literally launched this diarrhea like sh*t out of my ass and sprayed the reservoir, and the back of the toilet seat. So along with the sh*t that was already on the seat to begin with, it would seem to anyone that looked at the toilet that some foul sh*t demon came in and absolutely destroyed the toilet.
It turns out somebody noticed me go in there for 5 minutes, then come out. I was at another bar 2 days later, and some guy came up to me and asked if I was at the owl for Wednesday night drafts, to which I replied 'yup.' He simply said, 'Dude, you f*cking destroyed that toilet.'"
Caught Pooping In The Woods
"In my town we have a paved path along a river that goes right through the middle of town. One day, on a run, I was hit rather suddenly with the urge to crap my pants so I shimmied over a bridge, behind a chain-link fence and into some mildly shaded dirt patch that was poorly obscured by a few, scraggly trees.
Nature was calling somewhat urgently so I scarcely had time to scratch a dent on the hard packed ground before I yanked my pants down just in time to avoid sh*tting all over myself. I wasn't particularly far from the path nor was I terribly camouflaged in my bright-pink Under-Armour running shirt while my alabaster ass punctuated the evening air with the sounds of semi-solid human waste rapidly evacuating it's host.
Well, it was a lovely evening and I wasn't the only one who thought a run was a good idea. I was only about half way done when a young and vibrant couple came running down the path. All I could do was hold still and pray to the gods of refuse that they were too preoccupied with each other to notice the desperate woman sh*tting in the bushes.
I will never forget the look of horror that slowly crept over that woman's face as she squinted at me trying to figure out what that splattering, grunting lump of cherry pink in the bushes was and how betrayed she looked when she realized that life would never be the same again...for either of us."
In A Car, And A Friend's Driveway
"I once shat in my friend's drive way...and my car. I was racing home from work one night after having held in a turd for 8 hours. I thought if I stopped at my friend's house, which was closer than my house, I could sh*t in his bathroom and then we could hang out. He wasn't home.
Upon getting back in the car, I sat down too fast and the force started to push the shit out of me. I started sharting in my car with my pants on. Not knowing what to do or really being able to stop the sharts, I quickly got out of the car and shimmied out of my pants and took a crouch right in his driveway to continue with explosive diarrhea. I finished up and quickly left as it was a parking lot for an apartment complex. I used the training manual from my work to cover the seat from getting covered in my sh*tass."