We've all been there before. You feel that familiar bubbling as your insides twist and turn more than an episode of Game of Thrones. Panicked, you look everywhere for an acceptable place to drop trow and release your inner demons. You've heard stories of weird places people have had to poop, but you never thought you would be one of them.
Sometimes, your body has a mind of its own. The urge to drop a deuce can hit at the most inconvenient times. Maybe while you're enjoying a beautiful, romantic sunset on a tropical beach. Nothing ruins romance like diarrhea splashing onto your ankles.
From the mountains of Nepal to the slide at a local playground, real people share the weirdest place they've ever had to go number two.
On A Tarantula
"My dad and I had a secret fishing hole, which was about a 2-mile hike into the mountains. I really needed to go during one of our fishing trips, so my dad told me to go find a rock to rest on and do business.
I find this really large mossy green rock to sit on, and as I'm looking down at the ground wondering what is going to happen to my feces once I leave, I see this huge tarantula scuttling towards me. Not entirely done, I hurried to push out my poop. The tarantula ends up running right in between my legs and my poop lands directly on top of it. I proceeded to run out of the woods screaming with my pants still down at my ankles."
Caught Pooping In The Woods
"In my town we have a paved path along a river that goes right through the middle of town. One day, on a run, I was hit rather suddenly with the urge to crap my pants so I shimmied over a bridge, behind a chain-link fence and into some mildly shaded dirt patch that was poorly obscured by a few, scraggly trees.
Nature was calling somewhat urgently so I scarcely had time to scratch a dent on the hard packed ground before I yanked my pants down just in time to avoid sh*tting all over myself. I wasn't particularly far from the path nor was I terribly camouflaged in my bright-pink Under-Armour running shirt while my alabaster ass punctuated the evening air with the sounds of semi-solid human waste rapidly evacuating it's host.
Well, it was a lovely evening and I wasn't the only one who thought a run was a good idea. I was only about half way done when a young and vibrant couple came running down the path. All I could do was hold still and pray to the gods of refuse that they were too preoccupied with each other to notice the desperate woman sh*tting in the bushes.
I will never forget the look of horror that slowly crept over that woman's face as she squinted at me trying to figure out what that splattering, grunting lump of cherry pink in the bushes was and how betrayed she looked when she realized that life would never be the same again...for either of us."
Pooped In A River In Front Of 150 Classmates
"It was a high-school camp, and we walked into a forest-like area where there [weren't] any toilets for 2 km. I was trying to save it 'til I got home, but I couldn't hold it in and I ran to the river and diarrhea exploded from my tiny 14 year old assh*le all over the still water. In a river. Next to a busy road. While 150 of my peers watched in disgust."
Wiped With Poison Ivy
"I was driving with my girlfriend one night, a couple months after we first started dating. We were heading back to my house, and I had to poop REALLY, REALLY badly.
Like, that poop that's so ready to come out that your anus is just naturally sliding it out, even while you clench as hard as you can.
So I pulled over and told her I really had to pee (we live in MA/NH, so it's not hard to be secluded on a back road). I run behind a building that has a back edge directly on a tree line, get my pants off as quick as possible, and just squat without looking [and] go at it. Well, it wasn't completely solid, even though it felt like it should have been. So here I am, my pants around my ankles, squatting in the rain behind a warehouse, pooping out soft serve. I panic, grab a handful of the nearest vegetation and begin wiping. I brought it in front of me trying to figure out what to do with the pile of poop leaves, and noticed it was poison ivy. So I threw it away from myself and in my panic, slipped and slid down a little embankment, which smeared the leftovers up my crack and my back. So then I take off my undershirt and attempt to finish cleaning myself off with it, and just threw it in the woods. I pulled up my pants, fixed my shirt and sweatshirt, and got back in the car. She asked what smelled so bad, but I wasn't exactly ready to tell her I was making chocolate soft serve in the woods and slid down a hill covering myself in my own liquid feces, so I told her I stepped in some kind of animal poop and slipped down a hill because it was wet."