As nice as it is to see your friends and family, going home for the holidays can be a strange affair. Especially if you grew up in a small town, returning after you've been living in the big city can give you an extreme case of culture shock. Everything closes early, there isn’t a diverse amount of food to eat, and the coffee’s terrible. Despite those truly horrible things, the worst parts of going home for the holidays are the moments when you realize that you're no longer in the halcyon days of your youth. Sure, nosey relatives are annoying, but the passage of time is the worst. Whether you’re already home for the holidays, you’re just now working up the energy to pack, or you've had enough of listening to your parents bicker for the holiday season, you can take solace in the fact that you’re not the only person who dreads going home for the holidays.If you're going home for Christmas, remember to breathe, because you're only going to have to be around your family for a few weeks at the most (hopefully less), and then remind yourself that you won't have to go home again for at least another year. And maybe by then you'll have enough extra money saved up so you can get a hotel. When you make it home, hug your parents and then take note of all the exits, you never know when you’ll have to escape. Now that you’ve got a little alone time in your old bedroom, read on for the definitive list of what it’s like to go home for the holidays.
Your Mom's Really Gotten Into Drinking WineMaybe you shouldn't have bought her Sideways for her birthday.
The Local Radio Station Still Plays the Same Music It Did When You LeftGarth Brooks, anyone?
Beer Is SOOOOO CheapDo people in other cities know how cheap this stuff is?!
You Can't Remember Where Anything Is in TownLuckily, the town is only 14 square miles.
Gas Is Really CheapI'll take all the gas please.
There's No TrafficGuess there was no point in leave an hour and a half early for that trip to Walmart.
Your Favorite Restaurant's Been Shut DownSince when were grease fires such a bad thing?
People Can't Stop Asking You QuestionsBut seriously, what are you planning to do with the rest of your life?
All Your Friends Have KidsAnd they want to know when you're going to join the cult.
The Junk Drawer No Longer ExistsBut where are you going to put all that extra string?
Running Into People You Went to High School with Who Never Moved
And you're like, “Wow you stayed here and this is your whole life? Wow."
You'll Have to Proofread a WillIt's the harsh truth of growing older that everything dies. Remember to be nice so you can get the good China.
No One Has Any KaleDon't these rubes know what a healthy colon looks like?
You're Not Going to Have Any Alone TimeStart preparing your excuses to slip away to the bathroom.
Everything Closes at 10 PMAt what point does quaint become annoying?
You Can't Find Good Coffee AnywhereLooks like the best part of waking up is going to be Folgers in your cup. =[
The Family Pet Is DeadThat'll teach you to make a big life change.
The Town Seems So Small20,000 people used to sound like so many people.
The Air Smells Significantly CleanerMaybe it's the small town atmosphere, or it could be that there aren't a million cars driving at the same time.
Your Mom's Gotten Really Into Tai ChiAnd she's going to tell you all about it.
Your Bedroom Is Exactly the Way It Was When You Left for CollegeCan you believe how many Smash Mouth posters you owned?
Your Parents Moved to a New HouseAnd for some reason they decided not to get one with a guest room.
There's No One to Hang Out WithHope you brought a bunch of homework to bury your nose in.
The TV Channels Are All DifferentBut it doesn't matter because the TV's only going to be tuned to Fox News.
You Start Hearing Regional Accents AgainWho knew "y'all" would be such a nice thing to hear?