Everyone of legal sexing age usually has at least a few awkward sex stories, because many women and men are terrible at sex. But some of the worst sex horror stories stem from the weird things people said after sex, ripping the mood apart like a split condom. If you've ever rolled over to spoon your lover in a post-coital embrace and whispered something about your favorite Animaniac, then you’ll completely understand every one of these sex stories from Reddit. Conversely, if you’ve never freaked anyone out with your post-sex brain, then take note of the weirdest stuff said in bed.
Where does your brain go the moment you have an orgasm? Do you think of that embarrassing moment when your dad got drunk and fell asleep in the middle of your 10th birthday party? Or do you become worried about global nuclear war? Maybe you’re just bad at pillow talk. Whatever you personal foible may be, it can’t be as bad as the people in these stories of people who said the worst things after having sex. Or maybe you’re on here. If that’s case, better luck next time.
TFW You Have To Kick Your Grandma Out Of The Room
When this Redditor was in high school, they were lucky enough to have sex with their girlfriend. Not so lucky? An unfortunate run-in with their grandma when she paid a visit to the family home. According to the Reddit user, "Grandma had been home visiting for the last 15 minutes and checks my room to see what all the ruckus is about. My grandma walks in and sees almost a worm's eye view of the action. I feel someone is watching us so I stop to turn around."
His girlfriend, curious as to what the stoppage was about, asked what was going on. When he told her his grandmother had just walked in she said, "tell her to leave."
Everyone Loves It When Their Partner Pretends To Be An Amputee
You when you're having sex with someone and they get mad awkward by pretending to have a fetish? No? Well this Reddit user made the super cool move of pretending to be an amputee.
They wrote, "I had my hands behind my head; elbows sticking up. When she came down to give me a kiss, I clamped the sides of her head with my elbows and kissed her. Then I said, 'This is what it would be like if I was an amputee.'" End scene.
Talk Dirty To Me—Okay, Not That Dirty
When a young woman was having sex with her high school boyfriend for the "third or fourth time," she tried to play along with his dirty talk. This proved to be a monumental mistake. Her boyfriend at the time whispered into her ear saying he wanted her to pretend to be his sister. Jeepers. According to the Redditor, his sister was twelve at the time and that "really freaked & grossed me out." She said he tried to convince her that he was talking about someone from a TV show, but she knew he was full of it. Obviously, they broke up.
God Put Us Together
It's safe to say most anyone having sex in high school experienced an awkward moment, if not a completely terrible one. One Redditor wrote about when he hooked up with one of the hottest girls in his high school, how things started off poor, and only got much worse. Not only was it the "worst sex ever," (which makes sense because they were teenagers and teenagers know nothing) but after they were finished the young woman said one of the worst things that you can hear: "Do you think God put us together? Do you think he made us meet?" Hell no.