Everyone has at least a few awkward stories about intimate relations. But some of the worst (and funniest) stories stem from the weird things people said after. If you've ever rolled over to spoon your lover in a post-coital embrace and whispered something about your favorite Animaniac, then you'll completely understand every one of these stories from Reddit. Conversely, if you've never freaked anyone out with your post-endorphin brain, then take note of the weirdest stuff said in bed.
Where does your brain go the moment you have the big O? Do you think of that embarrassing moment when your dad got drunk and fell asleep in the middle of your 10th birthday party? Or do you become worried about global conflicts? Maybe you're just bad at pillow talk. Whatever your personal foible may be, it probably isn't as bad as these Redditors' stories of people who said the worst things after gettin' down.
TFW You Have To Kick Your Grandma Out Of The Room
When this Redditor was in high school, he was lucky enough to have relations with his girlfriend. But he also had an unfortunate run-in with his grandma when she paid a visit to the family home. According to the Reddit user: "Grandma had been home visiting for the last 15 minutes and checks my room to see what all the ruckus is about. My grandma walks in and sees almost a worm's eye view of the action. I feel someone is watching us so I stop to turn around."
His girlfriend, curious as to what the stoppage was about, asked what was going on. When he told her his grandmother had just walked in she said, "tell her to leave."
Everyone Loves It When Their Partner Pretends To Be An Amputee
You when you're having relations with someone and they get mad awkward by pretending to have a fetish? No? Well this Reddit user made the super cool move of pretending to be an amputee. He wrote: "I had my hands behind my head; elbows sticking up. When she came down to give me a kiss, I clamped the sides of her head with my elbows and kissed her."
Awkward, sure. but then he said: "This is what it would be like if I was an amputee." End scene.
Talk Dirty To Me - Okay, Not That Dirty
When a young woman was having relations with her high school boyfriend for the "third or fourth time," she tried to play along with his dirty talk. This proved to be a monumental mistake. Her boyfriend at the time whispered into her ear saying he wanted her to pretend to be his sister. (Yikes.) According to the Redditor, his sister was 12 at the time and that "really freaked and grossed [her] out."
She said he tried to convince her that he was talking about someone from a TV show, but she knew he was full of it. Obviously, they broke up.
'God Put Us Together'
It's safe to say most anyone having relations in high school experienced an awkward moment, if not a completely terrible one. One Redditor wrote about when he hooked up with one of the hottest girls in his high school, how things started off poor, and only got much worse.
Not only was it the "worst sex ever," (which makes sense because they were teenagers and teenagers know nothing) but after they were finished the young woman said one of the most awkward things that you can hear has a teen: "Do you think God put us together? Do you think he made us meet?"