To be real, humans are pretty weird with their mating habits. Pick up lines, flashy clothes, fancy gifts; it's a little absurd. Yet all of this pales in comparison to some of the bizarre animal mating displays out there. From elaborate dances to tossing feces, animals sometimes have strange ways of saying 'I love you,' many both fascinating and horrifying. Hell, sometimes it even involves death.
Weird animal mating displays show up in just about every type of beast. Insect, reptiles, mammals, and especially birds pull out all the stops when it comes to attracting a mate. Even if you don't have the brightest colors or the prettiest call, sometimes all it takes is the right rock or sauciest moves to ensure your genes get passed along. That or a cheap trick, but whatever works, right?
So, if you're ready to watch some strange animal courtship behavior, continue. A few of the videos are a little graphic, but for the most part they're just funny, so be prepared for some uncomfortable laughter.
Female hyenas definitely wear the pants. They have mock-penises, which are actually seven-inch long clitorises (talk about a love popsicle). This ginormous moist maker is longer than the male hyena's penis, and is a major part of mating. When a male wants to mate, he must lick the chosen female's clit as a sign of affection and subservience. Not unlike what must be done in some human relationships.
When he's done with the requisite clit worship, the male hyena positions himself behind and below the female and puts his penis into her mock-wang, an awkward and precarious act. It's worth noting females give birth through the fake penis. Dag.see more on Spotted Hyena
When it's time to mate, female procupines produce a strong musk to attract a male. When a male likes what he smells, his penis pops up and he approaches the female emitting the stank. In a show of romance, he rears up on his hind legs and use his engorged quill to spray her with urine. This golden shower travels distances of up to six feet, and completely drenches the recipient. So maybe R. Kelly thought he was a porcupine?see more on Porcupine
Male hippos attract mates by marking territory and aggressively dominating other males. How do they do this? It's a bit of a sh*t show. Literally. The alpha male takes a wet-ass dump and whips his tail like a fan, spraying feces all over the place, dousing other males with it. Once dominance is established via crap-flinging, the female hippo moves in for the meat of mating.
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Flatworms are hermaphroditic, meaning they're both male and female. Sounds like a pretty good deal in the mating department, yeah?
When it's time to mate, flatworms square off, because neither wants to be the female. To decide the matter, they sword fight with their penises. This can go on for hours, and ends when one stabs the other through the body with the penis. The one who gets stabbed serves as the female and has the babies, and the male swims away to sword fight another day.see more on Flatworm