Let's be frank for a moment: despite what you may have heard, celebrities are not like us. Yes, they (probably) put their pants on one leg at a time like you or me, and they (in many cases) have to work to pay the bills and put food on the table like anybody else. If you prick them, they bleed; if you tickle them, they laugh. But that's a pretty astoundingly low bar for relatability, no? Perhaps the more important point to consider is the fact that you've never logged onto Twitter to try to trade a signed baseball bat for some decorative lighting fixtures because "Lake house has no chandeliers and I need some." That could only happen to those of us blessed with the incredible gift of celebrity.
The fact is constant attention from millions of fans and detractors can do some pretty wacky things to your mind, and since Twitter is basically an expressway designed to create the fastest possible route between your most poorly considered thoughts and the outside world, celebrity Twitter accounts tend to be pretty entertaining. You get the sense publicists are fully aware of this phenomenon, given that most celebrities don't actually seem to write any of their own tweets. But of those few public figures who really do control what's posted to their Twitter feed, a good number of them - often the ones you'd least expect - can be relied on to offer some truly baffling gems of wisdom from time to time. If you're looking for sometimes shocking, often hilarious, and always weird celebrity tweets, here are the weirdest celebrity Twitter accounts you need to check out.
Come on - there's no way we're not including this guy. Though the former reality TV star has since made a major career pivot that's drawn a bit more attention to his very active Twitter feed, Donald Trump's account has been a reliable source of unfiltered and occasionally unintelligible pettiness for 10 years now. His random meltdowns about everything from Diet Coke to Kristen Stewart to Django Unchained ("the most racist movie I have ever seen, it sucked!") have always been entertaining. If anything, his tweets have become more boring since he has become president.
Trump is probably most famous for his long-running Twitter feuds with celebrities like Rosie O'Donnell, Bette Midler, the late Mac Miller, and Bill Maher. But it's not just people Trump has a problem with - there's a practically endless list of companies, concepts, and inanimate objects the current president has attacked online, including Macy's department stores (they "suck"), wireless carrier T-Mobile (it "sucks"), the TV show Modern Family (it "sucks"), and the Ringling Brothers Circus ("I, for one, will never go again"). The next time you get a chance, do yourself a favor and look through POTUS's old tweets - it's almost impossible not to stumble on something amazing.
The Coca Cola company is not happy with me--that's okay, I'll still keep drinking that garbage.— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) October 16, 2012
Pervert alert. @RepWeiner is back on twitter. All girls under the age of 18, block him immediately.— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) November 7, 2012
Everyone knows I am right that Robert Pattinson should dump Kristen Stewart. In a couple of years, he will thank me. Be smart, Robert.
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) October 22, 2012
Marianne Williamson is a bestselling author, philanthropist, and longtime spiritual adviser to Oprah Winfrey. If you've never heard of her before, don't worry - you'll likely hear a lot more in the coming months, since Williamson is running for president as a Democrat in 2020 and has already garnered enough donations to qualify for the primary debates. But while Williamson is running in a crowded field of presidential contenders, there's one place where she certainly stands out: Twitter dot com, baby.
Williamson's best tweets sprinkle new age spiritualism into both common self-help tropes and politics - think Oprah if she was really into the healing power of crystals. Sometimes these opinions are a little too wacky to take seriously ("Pray that angels be posted at the door to your mind"), but in some cases, they're actually... kind of convincing? Williamson's Twitter account is definitely one you should keep a (third) eye on in the next few years - if the guy currently sitting in the White House is any indication, having really weird tweets is an asset when it comes to running for president, not a liability.
Just spent time in silence showering the President of Syria with a love so great that his insanity could not stand in its presence.— Marianne Williamson (@marwilliamson) June 9, 2012
Republican Party: get your soul back. Democratic Party: get your soul back. American people: get your soul on.— Marianne Williamson (@marwilliamson) October 3, 2017
Imagine every war zone invaded by legions of angels. All of a sudden, no one can even imagine hurting another human being.
— Marianne Williamson (@marwilliamson) February 14, 2011
As an author and academic, English biologist Richard Dawkins is a highly respected figure who has contributed quite a lot to the natural sciences (as well as to internet vernacular - he actually coined the word "meme" in 1976, though it obviously meant something different before the advent of the internet). As a Twitter user, Dawkins is an often disrespected figure who seems to constantly attract disingenuous trolls. To make matters worse, he's also unable to distinguish between those who are seriously engaging with his ideas and those who are trying to make fun of him.
Poor Dawkins is such a believer in the necessity of open debate that he sometimes falls for pretty obvious practical jokes. For example, he unblocked podcast host Virgil Texas only to be mocked for being a self-serious atheist. He made a very similar mistake in failing to understand a very obvious joke about his atheism that same year. In many others cases, he's made tweets that others took out of context or mocked, such as his assertion that Osama bin Laden indirectly forced him to throw away a full jar of honey at the airport, then made matters worse by refusing to acknowledge he might have said something slightly silly.
Then there are tweets so bizarre and credulous you have to wonder if he's the one trolling us - but judging from everything else we've seen from him, it's safe to assume he's being as sincere as ever.
Bin Laden has won, in airports of the world every day. I had a little jar of honey, now thrown away by rule-bound dundridges. STUPID waste.— Richard Dawkins (@RichardDawkins) November 3, 2013
Saw a down-and-out in Seattle last night. His sign said not "I need food" or "I need a job" but "I need a fat b*tch". What could this mean?— Richard Dawkins (@RichardDawkins) October 13, 2013
@Whoozley I’ve seen a dog & b*tch indulging in full 69. Males of many species including Drosophila lick female genitals before copulation.— Richard Dawkins (@RichardDawkins) March 24, 2014
What can we say about Jose Canseco that hasn't already been said? He's a record-breaking power hitter, a whistleblower on baseball's "Steroid Era," a bestselling author, and a reality TV star. But most recently (and perhaps most important), he's been the mind behind one of the best and most bizarre Twitter accounts out there.
Canseco is such a strange and prolific tweeter it's hard to know where to start introducing him. Sometimes he'll spend anywhere from a few weeks to several years obsessively tweeting about somebody that bothers him. In some cases, that person will be another athlete, like Shaquille O'Neal or Alex Rodriguez, both of whom he has repeatedly tried to fistfight. Other times, that person will be a legendary cryptid like Sasquatch, whom he plans to track down using a crack team of actors and models.
However, most of his tweets are serene, focused observations that could only come from a man who is in deep conversation with himself, like "Dam baseball is awesome love to hit that ball," and "I must have ate something bad I'm sh*tting haters." The bottom line is that pretty much the moment you start following him, you'll be treated to a pretty steady stream of beyond-the-pale, entertaining nonsense. Enjoy!
Found a great car wash place ask for Zach he will hook you up the address is 7890 West Ann Road Las Vegas check it out there the best phone number 702-534-0300
— Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) March 18, 2019
At my fastest I could easily beat any horse around the bases
— Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) May 3, 2014
Who can spell the funny poop that comes out of your but— Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) April 21, 2012