Updated November 8, 2019 7.7K votes 1.4K voters 69.9K views
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Vote up the weird Marvel characters that you can't believe exist.
Avengers: Infinity War and Avengers: Endgame deliver a metric ton of Marvel characters, and the merger between Disney and Fox promises to dredge up even more of them. With so many new additions, it's hard to believe that there are still a litany of Marvel characters that will never get movies.
There's no shortage of weird comic book characters out there, but Marvel Comics seems to have a special affinity for creating them. Perhaps it's because the modern generation of Marvel writers can't seem to stop referencing the company's bizarre history, grafting on cameos for characters like Hellcow and Doctor Bong, just for the fun of it.
Not every promotional initiative pays off. The NFL and Marvel Comics may seem like odd business partners, but the two companies teamed up to concoct NFL Superpro, a football-themed superhero who was inserted into actual Marvel continuity.
Phil Grayfield was an NFL star who sustained a career-ending injury while saving a child from peril. In his post-NFL life, Grayfield was doused in chemicals, rendering him completely invulnerable, and inspiring him to fight crime as NFL Superpro. He takes on villains with names like The Calculator, Girth, and The Almighty Dollar.
Yeah, because the almighty dollar is totally opposed to this fumbled cash grab.
There’s something very comic-booky about taking an ordinary word and turning it into a codename by spelling it wrong. Maggott’s real name, Japheth, is nearly as strange, and his mutant abilities are even stranger. Maggott’s digestive system has been replaced by two sentient “maggots,” which can leave his body to seek out nourishment before returning to him. Not only is this power extremely gross, it also qualifies him for the list of “most useless powers of all time.” For the record, the maggots have names, and they’re Eany and Meany.
Her name is a Rolling Stones reference, her body is buxom, and her head is a smooth, red globe. She’s Ruby Thursday, and she’s undeniably weird. To add to the nightmare fuel, Ruby’s head can fully detach from her body and crawl around on little tentacle legs, which is just terrific.
The villain’s real name is Thursday Rubinstein (no, seriously), and she’s been around for over 40 years. Despite seeming more at home in a horror film, to this day she continues to show up in various comics, always playing the role of faceless femme fatale.
Sometimes a character’s name is enough to brand them ridiculous; Doctor Bong is —intentionally — one such character. Doctor Bong, real name Lester Verde, comes from the pages of classic Howard the Duck comics, which were highly satirical.
Doctor Bong is a grown man who wears a gigantic bell on his head. His left hand has been replaced with a big metal ball, and he combines the two to create “sonic vibrations” that can affect his opponents in a variety of ways.
In recent years, Doctor Bong has gained a doctorate in psychology, and has attempted to psycho-analyze heroes like Deadpool, with limited success. The MCU would definitely take a hit by including Doctor B.
Hellcow was once a prized dairy cow named Bessie, minding her own business in 17th century Switzerland. Then Dracula drained her blood and turned her into an undead heifer.
Hellcow is now immortal, but must live with an insatiable thirst for mammalian blood of all sorts. At one point, it seems like Hellcow has been killed by Howard the Duck, her primary rival, but she rises once again to go on adventures with Deadpool. Hellcow only hangs with the best of the best.
It should go without saying that a Hellcow appearance in the MCU would be an udder disaster.
The Mandrill is a very problematic character. Born Jerome Beechman, The Mandrill is a mutant who grew up resembling the baboon-like mandrill. He also gained an incredibly creepy power: the ability to emit a pheromone that allows him to control women.
The Mandrill can use this ability to keep women under his thrall indefinitely, and he’s done all the horrid stuff you’re probably imagining right now. When someone is freed from his stinky influence, they undergo a period of severe withdrawal. This is a character best left in the past.
