This is list of common redneck characteristics has been compiled thanks to experts around the country, all of whom have spent a great deal of time living within actual redneck communities. Some among them were even born rednecks themselves, but were forced from their communities due to an inability to carry on their people’s traditions. Some were forced to leave their kind due to unfortunate conditions such as "ears too sensitive to handle the noise of muffler-less trucks" or "allergies to beer that rendered them social pariahs throughout multiple counties."
Regardless of their backstories, these experts have banded together in order to answer the age old question, “what is a redneck?” once and for all. So the next time you find yourself broken down in the middle of nowhere, you’ll be able to determine whether you’ve found yourself in redneck country as soon as the first tow truck driver named Jim Bob arrives. By familiarizing yourself with the ways of redneck-kind you’ll not only be able to identify a redneck from a mile away, you’ll also gain the skills necessary to survive within their culture until help arrives.
You've Ever Thrown a Pool Party Without Actually Owning a Pool
If there's one thing you've got to give rednecks, it's that they are an incredibly resourceful people. As you'll see here, no true redneck would ever find themselves deterred from the idea of throwing a pool party due to the simple fact that they don't own a pool.
Though rednecks can often be found floating along any river within a 10 mile radius, they're also overly fond of of lakes and mud puddles of any sort. Even if they find themselves in a situation where none of the above are available, the redneck spirit can almost always find a way to rise above.As seen in many a make-shift pool constructed in places such as truck beds, hay bales, or gravel pits - where there's a redneck, a hole, and a tarp, there's always pool potential. Always.
You Think Cars That Fit in One Parking Spot Are for Yankees
One thing on which pretty much every redneck seems to agree is that bigger is better. If you'd like to use this idea as a test to determine whether you may be dealing with a redneck, look for the nearest thing they own that rolls. If you discover an unnecessarily large set of wheels or tires outfitting anything from their truck to their lawn mower, you are quite possibly dealing with someone of the redneck variety.What if there are no wheels present, you ask? No matter. Simply examine the hair of the women present. You see, any true redneck woman believes in the age old adage, "The higher the hair, the closer to God." If you find yourself among one or more women whose hair seems to be constantly striving to achieve new heights via the massive use of Aqua Net hair spray, you've found yourself among redneck kind indeed.
This Draws More Envy Around Town Than a Rolls Royce
While Costco is generally unknown among redneck culture, the idea of buying in bulk is definitely not. You see, when rednecks like something, they like tend to like huge amounts of it.
Take for example the huge amount of junker cars many rednecks own or the vast number of children they tend to produce. While fancy name brands or flashy foreign cars are often met with distrust, you'll never find a home in the backwoods where a guy with a shitload of beer isn't welcome.So if you would gladly trade places with the Natural Light toting gentleman above, you've just earned your redneck certification.
Signs Such as These Are Indicitive of a Classy Joint
Among the easiest way to suss out whether someone, yourself included, might be a redneck is to examine their stance on cigarettes and guns. If, at the moment, you currently have each on your person with the full intent to use both soon, it's quite possibly safe to assume that you are of the redneck variety.
Another key may be found in examining the establishments in your town in search of signs such as those found above. If indeed restaurants which you consider "classy" or "swanky" feel it necessary to specify that items of this sort may not enter, it may be indicative that you are currently surrounded by a large redneck population.Additionally, if you or anyone you know have ever refused to frequent an establishment such as the one above due to concern for your Constitutional rights, congratulations, sir or madam, you are as redneck as they come!