Modern dating can truly be a minefield. Sometimes you seemingly hit the jackpot - just because they're not overly creepy, or they take a few drinks without saying something awful - but that's a low overall bar to set for finding someone special. Often people who make a strong first impression can actually be a hidden narcissist. But how can you tell you're dating a narcissist? Luckily, the internet banded together to compare notes on when they realized the person they were seeing may not be the one they originally thought.
From Redditor /u/Vampirekiller123:
Gym bro. Called me babe then switched to calling me dude when I was being devalued. Super “don Jaun” over the top “I am the greatest lover in the world” type of acting. Looking back I’m embarrassed for myself that it worked on me and for him for being so embarrassing. Super smart. Very covert. Worked in tech surprisingly. Nerd hobbies. Eyes were creepy as f$&@ though. ice blue and dead, flat, calculating. Very much like when a python looks through the glass at a reptile museum. That paired with the over the top [shows of affection] created this surreal confusing situation in my brain where I was getting wonderful stimuli when I saw him but my flight or fight response would also always kick in as well. I pretty much didn’t eat during the time I knew him and hyperventilated a lot[.] Without that I would never have felt something was off. Sometimes you know for sure but are in denial and your body lets you know.
From Redditor /u/what-a-freaking-mess:
Fairly attractive. Very confident speaker, enjoyed arguing and debate, reasonably intelligent. Occasionally made noises about being a feminist/calling out misogynistic bs (I think he did it bc it made him look "safe"). Calculated risk-taker. Swagger.
Part of his hook was, then, to confide in you about his troubled past, abusive childhood [and] ex-fiancee, etc - a heady combination of cocky and damaged. "I've never told anyone else this," was a pretty key phrase (spoiler: he told all the girls this, that's how he lured in all his prey).
Later on, after I bailed, I found out that he lied a lot - big things, small things, total pathological liar. Also, when thinking about things he said/did in retrospect, I realized that a lot of it was really... sketch and that I'd excused it bc of pants-feelings.
So, fact check.
And don't let your pants-feelings rationalize away weird sh*t.
From Redditor /u/____nyx____:
Tall, strong, handsome. He had an All-American wholesomeness to him, 6’4”, a body I still think about with blue green eyes and a smile that I can only describe as disarming. And yet...it was a very odd smile, tinged with cruelty. He had a Jack Nicholson in The Shining vibe I was drawn to at the time. Even then the red flags were waving wildly. He came off as awkward and goofy, trying to downplay the sex appeal he knows he oozes. He was the strangest person I’ve ever met. We went dancing on our first date and the [intense affection] started that very night. I wasn’t super interested at first but he loved the chase. He’s a social worker and that really got me to trust him wholeheartedly. I truly believed he was one of the good people in this world. Sadly I realized that wasn’t the case.
I think most everybody has good and bad in them, but looking back I’m not sure there really was any genuine good in him. I fell in love with a person I created in my mind. I liked that he read books and listen to podcasts and had good taste in interesting music, but he was also closed off. He was the ultimate authority on what was cool and what wasn’t. That always used to drive me crazy about him. For somebody who makes his living helping others he could be very judgmental and cold. Toward the end when he got a big promotion the power got to him. The discard happened shortly after...life just seems like a game to him. I was just another piece he knocked off the board to get to a better position.
Nothing about him was ever real, he was like one of those illusions sailors used to see when they spent too much time on the open water. A Fata Morgana shimmering in the distance.
From Redditor /u/booboo424:
Mine is a structural engineer. Very smart. Great memory. Very in tune with others feelings.
6 foot, light brown eyes, dark brown hair, freckled shoulders, large hands, extremely handsome, long thick eyelashes, perfect eyebrows, beard, very fit lean body with great abs.
He was into bodybuilding for a while and said everyone that did it had low self esteem including himself.
He never had an online presence.
He lied all the time. About everything.