We can all agree that sex is pretty awesome. But, alas, it wasn't always this way. In the past, it was seen, at best, as a necessary evil to make babies. At worst, it was a pathway to eternal damnation. Medieval sex (or lack thereof), was about as joyless as it gets... but it wasn't without its oddities.
After all, the church was trying to look out for everyone's immortal souls... but sometimes that meant tough love (pun intended). Women in Medieval times had it especially tough. Not only were they not allowed to enjoy it, but if they had it at all, they were seen as damaged goods in the eyes of society and the church. But still, it happened... just under some pretty rough restrictions. Even marriage didn't give people the freedom to go at it.
Wondering which positions were considered the worst, how people improvised to pleasure themselves, or what would God think of you for going down on your partner? Check out the answers (and even more about weird Medieval sex) below.
Condoms Were Made of Intestine and Linen
Missionary Position Was the Lay of the Land
Erectile Dysfunction Was a Big Deal
Since it was important that people have kids, not being able to perform was a major problem. If a guy couldn't get it up, their members would literally be investigated by the church. In the end, if procreation was impossible, the couple could be separated.
Women Pleased Themselves with Loaves of Bread
Yes, self pleasure was also a sin. But sometimes, it just has to be done. There were actually wooden toys in the past, but many people just didn't have that kind of money. So... they used hard loaves of bread.