• Graveyard Shift

Some Of The Worse Curses You Can Have On Your Head, And What To Do About It

Have you come down with a sudden illness? Do the people you love hate you out of the blue? Are you suddenly dealing with a string of bad luck? If you've answered yes to all of the above, you're probably cursed. Don't panic! It's going to be okay, because you’re about to discover how to uncurse yourself and get on with your life. Real life curses are being cast all the time, and while they may not be the sole reason for the poor trajectory of your life, it’s not out of the question for someone to have thrown some bad juju on you. 

If you've been cursed, then you have to do something about it or live in turmoil for the length of the spell. Even if you’re not going through a hex right now, you should learn how to heal curses on the off-chance that someone places a spell on you or one of your loved ones. It may seem like superfluous knowledge now, but when you’re in Day Two of a Three Days of Hell curse, you’re going to wish that you had read this list of how to break a curse and get on with your life. 

Don’t worry, none of the curse breakers here cost an exceptional amount of money, and they’re all fairly simple as long as you follow the instructions. Some even require the help of a witch. Just make sure that you follow the directions to the letter or find a proper witch, or you could end up making the curse worse.

  • A Tongue Binding Curse

    What It Does: Completely and totally keeps you from talking for an indeterminate amount of time. Depending on how chatty you are, this may or may not be a waking nightmare. 

    What You Can Do About It: It turns out that if someone is placing a curse on you to keep you from talking, it's probably because you deserve it for some annoying reason. Maybe you're a Chatty Catherine, or maybe you're just a jerk. Either way, if you wake up and can't talk, the only thing you can do is fight fire with fire and curse someone back. Best case scenario, the spells will cancel each other out. Worst case scenario, you and your mortal enemy will spend the rest of eternity writing insults on notepads. 

  • A Generational Curse

    What It Does: This is one of the worst kinds of curses you can get saddled with. Not only do you wind up with a curse even though you didn't do anything, you're either related to some jerk that screwed over a witch at some point, or God hates you. These generational curses can take a lot of forms. For example, either all of the men in your family will be total failures, or the women will all turn into witches that kill the men, or you'll just be stuck in an endless loop of failure until the family line comes to an end. 

    What You Can Do About It: It turns out that there's a super easy way to get over your curse! You just have to pick up a black skull candle, some herbs, and set aside a little over a week to work on your counterspell. 

  • A Poverty Curse

    What It Does: A poverty curse is a heinous thing to have to live with. If you've got this hex on you, you could have a great job with a killer salary. Yet somehow, you'll never be able to make ends meet and you'll always be in debt

    What You Can Do About It: If you need to have a poverty curse lifted, then you can either contact a witch and have her take care of it for you, or you can cast a money spell on yourself, which will either cancel out the curse or increase your money-making ability. 

  • Three Nights Of Hell

    What It Does: The Three Nights of Hell curse is a hex that puts the cursee through an excruciating three days of sores and terror. Obviously, this is not great, but if you're on the receiving end of this curse, it means you have a mortal enemy. So if you suddenly find yourself in a world of painful lesions and unending torment for half of your week, congratulations!

    What You Can Do About It: Okay, so there's some bad news here. You can't just break the Three Nights of Hell curse - you actually have to wait it out. But here are some ways to lessen the pangs: fill in that adult coloring book, figure out what Sudoku is, get into Russian literature, or clean out your Amazon list.