What Are Your Neighbors Up To? A Definitive Ranking

If you live in the city, noisy neighbors are something that you just have to get used to. It’s not like you can call the cops on neighbors having sex, and even if you do manage to get some authority figure to shut your neighbors up, they’re just going to go back to smashing watermelons or whatever it is that they’re doing in a couple of days anyway. What your neighbors do in their private lives is their business, but when they do it loud enough for the world to hear it becomes the business of the world, and you’re free to speculate all you want. After all, your neighbors probably think you’re as weird as you think they are.

Are your neighbors fighting? Or do they just like to slap slabs of frozen meat? Anything is possible in this upside-down world that we inhabit. It’s not strange to wonder “What are my neighbors doing?” when they keep you up at all hours of the night with their hammering or olive tossing. Maybe they’re baking you the noisiest cake in the world because they love you, but probably not. It’s time to put that blind speculation to an end and decide exactly what it is that your neighbors are doing. Vote on what your neighbors are definitely up to right now, and then go out and buy some earplugs.