Weird History
1.6k voters

Historical Figures You Would Swipe Right On

Updated December 6, 2019 12k votes 1.6k voters 64.1k views22 items

List RulesVote up the historical figures you would meet for drinks and possibly more.

Even for those who live in a big city, the local online dating pool can often be disappointing, but what would happen if one could open up that dating pool and include options from throughout human history?

Well, probably a lot of chaos and confusion, and a larger pool of bad choices. After all, there's no reason to believe that people are fundamentally worse now than they have ever been. Among all those bad choices, however, there might be a few gems. Of course, it's not all about including the most beautiful women and most handsome men in history. As anyone who's been on a disappointing date with a model knows, it takes more than good looks to have a good evening.

Also, tastes vary. If you're looking for a dangerous bad boy, you could do worse than Shaka Zulu. Abraham Lincoln may have been the president, but he's also the perfect date for someone seeking a sensitive, agonized soul. Want to have a guaranteed blast on your date and don't mind getting your hands dirty? Swipe right on Annie Oakley.

  • Photo: True West Magazine / Wikimedia Commons / Public Domain

    Age: 21

    Bio: I ain't planning on getting married anytime soon, but if you're looking to grab a drink and maybe go out shooting, I'm your gal.

    Cost Of A Date: $

    Pros: You'll have a good time with Annie Oakley, a natural born showman who's as well-connected as possible in the American West. Grab a drink, grab a couple pistols, and let her dazzle you with her legendary sharpshooting.

    Cons: She was a famous sharpshooter, right? Best hope the date doesn't go badly; you don't want to be on her bad side.

    • Age: Dec. at 66 (1860-1926)
    • Birthplace: Patterson Township, Ohio, United States of America
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  • Photo: Unknown / Wikimedia Commons / Public Domain

    Age: 30

    Bio: I believe that the feelings that we experience when we are in love represent a normal state. Being in love shows a person who he should be.

    Cost Of A Date: $$

    Pros: While Chekhov was one of the greatest playwrights and short story writers ever to have lived, he preferred that people think of him in his practice as a doctor. He was introspective, humble, and kind. This humanity showed through his more mature stories and plays, although he had a subtle and wry sense of humor as well, and insisted that his most influential plays (The Seagull, Three Sisters, Uncle Vanya) should be thought of as comedies. His kindness and decency would go a long way on a first date.

    Cons: Unfortunately, no good man goes unpunished, and Chekhov was plagued by ill health throughout his life. By his mid-to-late 30s, the evidence of his tuberculosis had become overwhelming, and in 1897 he suffered a lung hemorrhage. The rest of his life was marked by failing struggles against ill health, until eventually he perished at the age of 44.

    • Age: Dec. at 44 (1860-1904)
    • Birthplace: Taganrog, Russia
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  • Photo: Edward S. Curtis / Wikimedia Commons / Public Domain

    Age: 32

    Bio: Loves nothing more than sleeping under the stars then getting up in the morning for a day-long hike in the American West. Mountain man with a sensitive artistic side as a photographer. Swipe right if fancy city living just ain't for you!

    Cost Of A Date: $

    Pros: Curtis was a one-of-a-kind ethnologist who amassed more than 40,000 photographs of Native American tribes over his extensive career. He was a skilled camper and had to be in excellent physical shape in order to make his treks deep into the west to visit these tribes.

    Cons: While he was very successful in collecting photographs, he was not terribly successful financially. His photography never made him much money, and he passed mostly unknown while living with his daughter in Los Angeles.

    • Age: Dec. at 84 (1868-1952)
    • Birthplace: Whitewater, Wisconsin, United States of America
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  • Photo: Frederick Sandys / Wikimedia Commons / Public Domain

    Age: 32

    Bio: I have no intention of sitting here and waiting to be wooed. As quickly as you can, describe to me the advantages our union would bring, with particular focus to the territorial and military assets you currently have access to.

    "Why every man great 'til he gotta be great?"

    Cost Of A Date: $$$$ (Can be paid in land, and will probably count towards a dowry.)

    Pros: You want fierce, you want cunning? Unafraid of strong women? Eleanor of Aquitaine used the medieval institution of marriage to climb to the top of the political ladder in medieval Europe, becoming one of the most powerful women in the Western world during the High Middle Ages. Well-educated and accustomed to courtly life, Eleanor can also be relied on to stun at any fancy dress occasion.

    Cons: Let's be real, few of us have access to vast tracts of land or massive hereditary political power. It's unlikely that Eleanor, the consummate social climber, would be terribly interested in your average Tinder user. 

    • Age: Dec. at 82 (1122-1204)
    • Birthplace: Bordeaux, France
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