Asking Americans to agree on something is like asking the weather to stay consistent, it’s not going to happen. Unless of course you’re asking about Coldplay, because everyone knows that they’re the worst. Coldplay is basically what would happen if the world’s most punchable face became a band. It doesn’t matter if the melodies are pleasant, or if the members seem like genuinely nice guys, the fact of the matter is that Coldplay sucks. They sucked in their home country of merry old England, and they especially suck now that they’re in America, depleting our greatest natural resource: Beyonce. To find out why Americans hate Coldplay, start scrolling through this list at the "Speed of Sound."
“Why do people hate Coldplay?” is a question often asked by the members of Coldplay (probably). “What did we ever do?” they inquire of one another. Luckily, this list answers that question about 12 times with all sorts of reasons why people think Coldplay is lame. No matter how hard this snooze of a band tries to be cool - whether they’re hanging out with Jay-Z, or aping the likes of much cooler boring bands like Radiohead and Animal Collective - Coldplay just can’t seem to make anyone like them.Vote up the biggest reasons that Americans hate Coldplay, and if a perfectly legitimate and valid argument about the worst band in the world isn't already here, further air your grievances in the comments section.
Coldplay Is the Most Vanilla Band Ever
Even when Coldplay goes out of their way to be weirdos they're a total snooze. Even when they call Brian Eno to help them let their freak flag fly, they don't even write a song outside of a major key. Coldplay is the perfect soundtrack for your mom's crazy night out with her friends.
It’s a Basic Band for Basic People
Coldplay is like Urban Outfitters, pumpkin spice lattes, and a $60 plain black t-shirt from American Apparel - BASIC! If the depths of your emotions can be summed up with the lyrics from a piece of trash like "The Scientist" then you might as well move to Florida and start drinking Bud Light.
They're Too Self Congratulatroy
If Coldplay is great at anything, it's talking themselves up to people who just do not care. For instance, take this track by track walk through of Viva La Vida, an album that has two claims to fame: being better than XY and being helmed by Brian "Instant Cred" Eno. The worst part of the interview is when Chris Martin says, "[Viva La Vida] is one of our favorites, because none of us are doing anything on it that we’ve ever done before." Except, of course, playing in the same key they always play in, while singing insipid grade school lyrics.
The Lyrics Are ZZZ
You know what gets us pumped? Super duper rock 'n' roll lyrics like:
And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth
Take a listen to the lyrics for "Viva La Vida." They sound like Chris Martin's high school English teacher asked him to write a poem about the Olympics.