Mockery Reasons Why Americans Hate Coldplay, Britain's Biggest Band  

Jacob Shelton
5k votes 850 voters 34.3k views 11 items

List Rules Vote up the Coldplay facts that send a rush of blood to your head (in anger).

Asking Americans to agree on something is like asking the weather to stay consistent: It’s not going to happen. Unless of course you’re asking about Coldplay because many Americans do not like the band. For many, Coldplay is basically what would happen if the world’s most punchable face became a band.  They sucked in their home country of merry old England, and they especially suck now that they’re in America, depleting our greatest natural resource: Beyonce. To find out why Americans hate Coldplay, start scrolling through this list at the "Speed of Sound."

“Why do people hate Coldplay?” is a question often asked by the members of Coldplay (probably). “What did we ever do?” they inquire of one another. Luckily, this list answers that question about 12 times with all sorts of reasons why people think Coldplay is lame. No matter how hard this snooze of a band tries to be cool - whether they’re hanging out with Jay-Z, or aping the likes of much cooler boring bands like Radiohead and Animal Collective - Coldplay just can’t seem to make anyone like them.

Vote up the biggest reasons that Americans hate Coldplay, and if a perfectly legitimate and valid argument about the worst band in the world isn't already here, further air your grievances in the comments section.

1 587 VOTES

It’s a Basic Band for Basic People

It’s a Basic Band for Basic Pe... is listed (or ranked) 1 on the list Reasons Why Americans Hate Coldplay, Britain's Biggest Band
Photo: Chonita Lucas/Wikimedia Commons/CC-BY-SA 4.0

Coldplay is like Urban Outfitters, pumpkin spice lattes, and a $60 plain black t-shirt from American Apparel - BASIC! If the depths of your emotions can be summed up with the lyrics from a song like "The Scientist" then you might as well move to Florida and start drinking Bud Light.

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2 467 VOTES

They're Too Self Congratulatroy

They're Too Self Congratulatro... is listed (or ranked) 2 on the list Reasons Why Americans Hate Coldplay, Britain's Biggest Band
Photo: Alex Bikfalvi/Wikimedia Commons/CC-BY-SA 2.0
If Coldplay is great at anything, it's talking themselves up to people who just do not care. For instance, take this track by track walk through of Viva La Vida, an album that has two claims to fame: being better than XY and being helmed by Brian "Instant Cred" Eno. The worst part of the interview is when Chris Martin says, "[Viva La Vidais one of our favorites, because none of us are doing anything on it that we’ve ever done before." Except, of course, playing in the same key they always play in, while singing insipid grade school lyrics.
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3 493 VOTES

The Lyrics Are ZZZ

Ranker Video
Video: YouTube

You know what gets us pumped? Super duper rock 'n' roll lyrics like: 

And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth


Take a listen to the lyrics for "Viva La Vida." They sound like Chris Martin's high school English teacher asked him to write a poem about the Olympics.

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4 414 VOTES

Chris Martin Tries and Fails to Be Thom Yorke

Chris Martin Tries and Fails t... is listed (or ranked) 4 on the list Reasons Why Americans Hate Coldplay, Britain's Biggest Band
Photo: Crystalspman/Wikimedia Commons/CC BY 2.0
There's no one that Chris Martin wants to be more than Thom Yorke - it's just that he's about 15 years behind the Radiohead frontman. Martin doesn't just try (and fail) to make weird glitchy music like Thom Yorke, but he's also tried his hand at the same weird, terrible dancing that Yorke has taken to doing (evidence below).


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