Every little girl wants to be a Disney princess when she grows up. Forget about the fact that Disney princesses are kind of sexist and that almost all of the classic Disney princesses are bad role models. That skepticism was pretty much thrown out the window of our imaginary magic castles the moment we saw the glamorous dresses, the perfect hair, and the leagues of hunky princes who somehow always want commitment.
It's not really our faults. We grew up watching our favorite Disney princesses float across the screen with an animated grace and beauty we could never possibly obtain (unless Photoshop worked in real life, but science really isn't there yet). Even now, as adults, we still catch ourselves daydreaming about finding our Prince Charming.
Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but being a Disney princess isn't all it's cracked up to be. Yeah, you've got great hair and a waistline that people would have to remove ribs to achieve, but there are a zillion reasons why being a Disney princess sucks.
Someone Is Always Trying To Hurt Or Imprison You
Snow White had a wretched evil queen that was constantly following her around, trying to poison her. In Sleeping Beauty, the horrifically evil Maleficent cursed newborn Aurora by saying she would "prick her finger on the spindle of a spinning wheel and die." Pocahontas was captured by pilgrims who were trying to kill her entire village. Cinderella was basically enslaved by her nasty stepsisters, and before Belle met the man of her dreams in Beauty and the Beast, her prince charming imprisoned her in his enchanted castle.
Basically, being a Disney princess is a hazard, and so not worth it. Why would you ever want to have to constantly watch your back? Wouldn't you rather eat apples and talk to birds in peace?
You Will Probably Lose One Or Both Of Your Parents
It' not easy being a Disney princess because you probably have to suffer through some kind of major family loss. The truth is that most Disney princesses lose one of their parents. Ariel, Belle, Pocahontas and Jasmine all lost their mothers when they were very young. Tiana from The Princess and the Frog lost her father during World War I. Cinderella, Snow White, Elsa, and Anna were unfortunate enough to lose both parents.
Even if your parents aren't dead, you're going to have to work very hard to avoid a family tragedy. Mulan literally joined an army to save her aging father from an untimely death.
You're Probably Going To Be Forced To Marry Or Date Someone You Can't Stand
Yes, it's true that some Disney princesses do get the man of their dreams, but they've got to kiss a lot of frogs to get there (and not the magical kind).
In Beauty and the Beast, Belle gets stuck with Gaston. She only meets the man of her dreams once she finds herself imprisoned in his castle (so not chill, by the way). Let's not even talk about the way Jasmine was pawned off on Jafar in Aladdin. The fact that she was a teenager and Jafar appeared to be somewhere in his 40s or 50s is enough to make your skin crawl.
You Can't Trust Anyone
If you're a Disney princess, it's a safe bet that someone is going to betray you. You can't afford to even blink without watching your back.
Look at poor Cinderella. When her father died, her stepfamily basically enslaved her. Snow White was a little bit too trusting with that apple, and boom - permanent slumber. In Tangled, Rapunzel discovered that her mother was actually just a woman who kidnapped her as a baby and locked her in a tower for 18 years in order to steal her hair (not to keep her safe).
Pocahontas's story is by far the worst. She landed the oh-so-dreamy John Smith only to find out he was sent to help murder every single person she knew.