Full bodysuits of spandex probably aren't the most comfortable outfits on the planet - but how else are you gonna show off those muscles? However, if we're talking about uncomfortable superhero costumes, then there are many worse options than your basic spandex getups. With hundreds of characters introduced over thousands of comic books over the years, there is no dearth of awkward outfits to choose from.
Have you heard of Penance? Or Codpiece? How about that time Clint Barton decided to change from Hawkeye to Goliath and thought a metal girdle was a good choice? That original Iron Man armor probably wasn't the coziest thing to stomp around in. And why, exactly, did Luke Cage think using a massive metal chain as a belt was a good idea? Comfort clearly isn't always the name of the game.
"Penance" is a name that should tell you a lot of what you need to know. Robbie Baldwin, most often known as Speedball, was partly responsible for the 612 civilian casualties that kicked off the 2006 Marvel Comics crossover event, Civil War. The guilt of being involved in such a tragedy took a heavy toll on Baldwin. He responded in a way that doesn't seem all that psychologically healthy: He created a suit with 612 internal spikes that cause him constant agony. Yeah.
Civil War kicked off a few years of Baldwin going by Penance instead of Speedball and feeling extremely guilty about all of the innocent lives lost. Gone was the happy-go-lucky Baldwin of the New Warriors, replaced with a miserable Baldwin who begrudgingly was a member of the Thunderbolts. As nothing is permanent in comic books, Baldwin has since ditched the painful Penance suit and returned to his life as Speedball, but we'll never be able to forget the guilt-ridden years he went through.13112Uncomfortable costume?
Codpiece's Costume Couldn't Have Had Enough Padding To Be ComfortablePhoto: DC Comics
Indeed, you are seeing that picture correctly. What is there to say about Codpiece? The Doom Patrol villain, who appeared in a whopping single issue back in 1993, isn't the kind of comic book bad guy you wanna show to your mother. She surely would not enjoy the imagery that comes with a massive, weaponized codpiece.
Let's just get the obvious question out there in the open: How in the world can that be comfortable? There is just no way using your groin as a multi-functional weapon can be all that safe or effective. It also looks very, very ridiculous. Also, what happens during a bathroom emergency? How easily does Codpiece's codpiece come off? We'd imagine that it's a process.8011Uncomfortable costume?
Radioactive Man Eventually Had To Wear A Hazmat Suit All The Time
Does constantly emitting dangerous levels of nuclear radiation sound fun to you? No, it doesn't, does it? That seems like it would be a massive pain in the butt. How would you even have interpersonal relationships? The constant danger of giving your loved ones cancer doesn't seem like it would be the kind of power set one would willingly acquire. Poor Chen Lu.
By the time he became a member of the Thunderbolts, Lu ended up wearing a hazmat suit at all times to protect those around him. It makes sense, as it would keep others safe, but it doesn't seem like an ideal way to experience the outside world. Living your life basically inside a bubble? Breathing through a tube while fighting other superpowered beings isn't our idea of a walk in the park. Someone should get Tony Stark on this. We bet he could come up with a more elegant solution than a hazmat suit.7117Uncomfortable costume?
As fans of 2008's Iron Man know, the original Iron Man Armor wasn't built to be comfortable. It was built out of necessity. "Practicality before comfort" seemed to be Tony Stark's motto when inventing the initial suit, and we don't blame him. Say what you want about the fantastic functionality of the armor, but it looks like a hulking, gray mess of metal. It is more in line with an iron lung than an Iron Man.
There is a reason this first armor didn't last all that long - it was an uncomfortable mess of gray metal. And though James Rhodes's War Machine has gone on to make the whole gray color palette work for him, we have to say that Tony's signature red and gold look is far more memorable than whatever he had going on here. We do like the big antenna jutting out of the shoulder, though. He should bring that back pronto.7224Uncomfortable costume?