So all dates are perfect, right? Hahaha...
These people from AskReddit are talking about their worst dates. Not only are they incredibly ludicrous, but they're also hilarious. Hollywood: make these into movies.
- 12,054 VOTES
Got Some Sympathy Orange Wedges
From Redditor /u/roonilwazlib96
Went to a public park for a picnic with a high school bf because we were both young and broke; I brought all the food and all the blankets and stuff, he essentially just showed up. It was sports day at the park so there were a lot of kids/families around. I also had a severe back injury so I couldn’t really do much other than sit around awkwardly.
The guy arrived late to the park and immediately proceeded to try and make out with me, and became very clear he was only there for action, which I wasn’t interested in at all. I kept trying to initiate conversation with the guy but he refused at literally pounced on me and knocked me on my back to try and get some action. When it became very clear that I wouldn’t give him any, he got pissed and left immediately. Because of my back injury, I couldn’t sit up until some nice soccer mums gave me a hand.
Got some 10/10 sympathy orange wedges from the soccer mums tho
- 22,597 VOTES
End Of The Story? No, No I Wish It Was
From Redditor /u/dabbit-secondus
I tried to reconnect with an old flame I hadn’t seen in years and invited her to a party a co-worker of mine was having. She’s now a single mother and hasn’t gone out to a party in years and accepts my invitation readily.
We go the party late because she decided it was imperative that she pre-game, despite my insistence this was a house party and not a kegger and that we weren’t teenagers any more. First thing she does is chug a beer then slide her jeans down to expose her butt so that people could slap it.
She goes hard and ends up throwing up and passing out around 8pm. The party started at 7. I’m cleaning up after her, embarrassed all to hell, when she wakes up and starts throwing up again narrowly missing the trash can I had placed next to her. Eventually I get everything cleaned up, talk to her and decide it’s better to just go back to my place and she can sleep it off in an actual bed.
I put her in my car and go back for her purse. Upon my return I discover my entire car is covered with yet more vomit. I clean that up as best I can (oh god the smell) and take her back to my place and lay her down.
End of the story? No, no I wish it was.
She decides she can’t fall asleep because her clothes are cutting off her oxygen supply so she strips down completely nude in front of me and then passes out. This was my tiny one room studio so I couldn’t go anywhere to give her privacy. I also only owned one blanket and at this point it was freezing. So I stay fully clothed and lay down next to her and try to get some sleep.
About 15 minutes later she gets up and wanders to the other side of the studio, then just stands there, again she is completely nude. I get up and ask her what’s wrong and as soon as the words are out of my mouth she p*sses all over my floor like a dog.
Of course the universe decides this is the day I should run out of cleaning supplies, so I make a (by now) midnight run to a 24 hour CVS, clean everything up and then I can’t sleep the rest of the night.
Morning comes and I take her home, never spoke to her again. Heard she stopped drinking and got married though.
- 31,406 VOTES
Before She Knocks Her
From Redditor /u/Iveseenfootag3
I took a girl I fancied to a James Blake gig a few years back. If you've heard the bloke's music before, you'd know that it's mostly quiet, intimate piano music. As he's playing, my date decides to have a full blown conversation with me which is the loudest thing in the room bar the artist. A girl in front of us turns around and asks politely if she can be quiet. My date tells me she needs to "move before she knocks out the f*cking b*tch".
After the gig, we got pretty drunk to the point where she needed to go home. I say goodbye as she gets a Taxi back. 10 minutes later - I'm on my way home and she rings me asking where I am. Next thing I know, I'm on the phone to the Taxi driver who said that she's got no money. I can hear her being verbally abusive in the back of the car.
I tell him to drive her back to where we say goodbye. In fear that she might do something stupid again, I tell the driver to drop her off where I was. She gets out and we get a Taxi back to mine. She stays on the sofa. I stay in my bed.
When I wake up, she starts to panic and get upset. I ask her what's wrong and she tells me that her bag with her money, passport etc. are missing. I realized that she had left her bag in the original taxi. Next thing I know, I was at the police station with her to see if the bag had been handed in. The female officer explained that it would take 24 hours for all of the bags to be handed in from the night before. My date decides at this point to call the female officer "a fat b*tch" before storming out of the building. I apologized relentlessly.
Moral of the story - If she starts the night by telling you that she went to see Wu Tang Clan on her own with a bag of cocaine, find your nearest exit immediately.
- 41,671 VOTES
From Redditor /u/crystalvelociraptor
Tinder date picked me up, we were supposed to go watch a movie but he needed to stop at his apt first. Fine. We get there.. its covered in filth. A dirty mattress in the living room was accompanied by a torn up leather couch. Entire place looked like a swamp. Having had enough of the side detour which turned out to be a stop for him to play a mobile game, I asked to leave to go see the movie. He instead took me grocery shopping with him and then took me home. Yay!
- 51,431 VOTES
In Love With His Best Friend
From Redditor /u/brandonisatwat
He ordered an expensive beer and then got a refill. I had a diet coke with my meal. When it came time to pay, he admitted he didn't bring his wallet. So I ended up having to pay AND drive him home. The icing on the cake? He said he was in love with his best friend but she didn't feel the same way. He then proceeded to spend way too much time talking about her. It was incredibly awkward.
- 61,736 VOTES
Would You Like To Pay For My Ticket?
From Redditor /u/TheFoxyBoxes
We had dinner, and throughout it he kept joking about having forgotten his wallet, probably in an attempt to get me to pay for him.
He said that dictatorship was the best kind of state since people feel so much safer and more secure than in a democracy (not a joke).
He planned what kind of music will play in our car when we go for a vacation together, and that our kids might not enjoy Iron Maiden (I do enjoy Iron Maiden, he did not).
The next day, he texted me "I'd like to invite you to the movies, would you like to pay for my ticket?"
I didn't text back.