Family Family Events That Fill You with Dread  

Even if your family leapt right out of a Norman Rockwell portrait, every family has a collection of the worst family events ever. You know those family events you hate going to? Your cousin is always graduating from things you don’t understand or are just too silly for a grown person to be earning a degree in. Your dad keeps getting married. Your aunt keeps getting more and more politically hysterical. Your cousin still lives at home and you’re at his 48th birthday party. Yeah, we’re talking about those kinds of family events you hate going to.

No matter what, Thanksgiving is an Ingmar Bergman film filled with family stuff you dread. The way grandma smells, how racist and homophobic your uncle has gotten since last year. Depending on the family, the level of liquor, religion, and politics involved, sometimes Christmas overtakes Thanksgiving altogether as one of those family events you hate going to.

"When are you going to get married?" "Why are you always bringing your roommate over?" "Doesn’t he have girlfriend?" "Why don’t you have a girlfriend?" "When are you two going to have a baby?" "You put on some weight since the last time we saw you." "[INSERT POLITICIAN’S NAME HERE] is ruining this country." "I don’t understand why anyone would want to get a tattoo."

When it comes to family stuff you dread, you’ve run out of excuses and every year you have to go to a new batch of family events you hate going to. As you drive out to your dad’s third wedding reception, you try to remember if this is the worst family function or whether it even compares to your cousin’s air guitar recital last year. Then you remember your grandparents' golden wedding anniversary, the cops, and the fire, and then you’re certain that was the worst family function.

What are the family events you hate going to? Or are you one of those superheroes who’s managed to avoid family stuff you dread by faking your own death? Upvote the worst family function you endure with your clan, and remember to take a drink every time your brother says “irregardless.”