Supremely Cringy First Date Horror Stories

You probably swapped as many pretty awful date invitations and first date horror stories with your friends as potential mates you've swiped left on Tinder. When it comes to horrible first dates, they're no different than taxes or puberty: everyone hates them, but everyone's gotta get through them. Thankfully, the very worst first dates often become hilarious stories in hindsight, though some remain complete terrors even years after the fact. Plus, many horrible first dates provide you excellent excuses to end a creepy date before it goes too far. The people of Reddit shared their worst first dates and they definitely do not disappoint. You might have thought you had a date from Hell, but did you ever date somebody who claimed to know the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse? Didn't think so.

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  • A Broken Fibula

    From mypoorbrain:

    I went on a Tinder date in January that ended poorly. At the end he tried to kiss me so I dodged, tripped over a curb, and broke my fibula while falling into traffic. The guy got down in the road with me, moved my hair behind me ear and said, 'We could tell people that we fell in love.'

  • Takeout To Take Her Out

    From 200s:

    The girl asked if I could buy her something for takeout, mainly because her boyfriend only lets her see other people if he can get a meal out of it when she gets back home.

  • Oh, Mario

    From babyangelpuppy:

    "On a first date: 'My great-grandfather's name is Mario, my grandfather's name is Mario, my dad's Mario, I'm Mario, and if you don't mind, I'll be naming our child Mario.'"

  • Lick It Right Up

    From a deleted user:

    "When I was a senior in high school, I went out with this guy after school. We grabbed some smoothies, smoked a blunt, and were planning on doing the boop, until: he picked a zit when he thought I wasn't looking, and while his face bled he LICKED HIS FINGER. I thought I was going to puke"

  • "Eh?"

    From b_scribbs:

    He asks me out to dinner, but instead of a restaurant he pulls into an empty parking lot and pulls out his half flaccid d*ck. He looks at me with a shrug and goes 'Eh!?' I look him in the eye all stern like for a good minute before he zips up his pants and he drives me back home in complete silence. Only when we pull in my driveway he said 'Your eyes are too big for your face...' I just get out and start walking to my door, but he gets out too, I figure to apologize. But no, he tries to kiss me goodnight.

  • A Point And A Wink

    From leelu_

    I went on a date with a guy I had met online. He wanted to meet for drinks, so I went to the pub and waited. He showed up 20 minutes late on his bicycle, proceeded to come into the bar and down two pints after giving me a point and a wink. I overheard him tell the waitress to "put it on his tab" and then he came over to the table with another beer.

    He proceeded to tell me about his two boys (no mention of them in our previous conversation) and how his mom wanted to take them all to Disney World. He told her that would be too expensive, so he left his boys at home and he and his mom went to Disney World instead. Then he proceeded to tell me that he rode his bike everywhere because after his sixth DUI, "those dumb cops" took his license away. He mocked me for drinking water, then in his next breath told me that he could really see falling in love with me. In 20 minutes, I got about ten words out, and most of them were me telling him I had to go.

    I later found out that he worked for a friend's father, and that he was married.