dating Supremely Cringy First Date Horror Stories  

Lea Rose Emery
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You probably swapped as many pretty awful first date horror stories with your friends as potential mates you've swiped left on Tinder. When it comes to horrible first dates, they're no different than taxes or puberty: everyone hates them, but everyone's gotta get through them. Thankfully, the very worst first dates often become hilarious stories in hindsight, though some remain complete terrors even years after the fact. Plus, many horrible first dates provide you excellent excuses to end a creepy-ass date before it goes too far. The people of Reddit shared their worst first dates and they definitely do not disappoint. You might have thought you had a date from Hell, but did you ever date somebody who claimed to know the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse? Didn't think so.

A Broken Fibula


From mypoorbrain:

"I went on a Tinder date in January that ended poorly. At the end he tried to kiss me so I dodged, tripped over a curb, and broke my fibula while falling into traffic. The guy got down in the road with me, moved my hair behind me ear and said, 'We could tell people that we fell in love.'"

"Eh?"


From b_scribbs:

"He asks me out to dinner, but instead of a restaurant he pulls into an empty parking lot and pulls out his half flaccid dick. He looks at me with a shrug and goes 'Eh!?' I look him in the eye all stern like for a good minute before he zips up his pants and he drives me back home in complete silence. Only when we pull in my driveway he said 'Your eyes are too big for your face...' I just get out and start walking to my door, but he gets out too, I figure to apologize. But no, he tries to kiss me goodnight."

"You Like Being Daddy's Little Sl*t"


From call_me_Eeyore:

"So I matched with this dude who seemed nice, and we agree to meet up at a coffee shop. Talking is awkward, but from the get-go he was giving me some neck-beardy vibes. Example: I complimented his American traditional style tattoo and his response was: 'Huh I didn't think girls would know anything about tattoos.' Note that this was after me talking about the tattoos I have. He also tried to forcefully order for me, which I brushed off like 'Lol no,' figuring it was all whatever, he's just nervous and trying to show off or some sh*t.

Everything was still going okay until he walked me to my car. We hugged, and he leaned in for a kiss. I think 'Whatever, I don't care, that's fine.' We were making out a little and I felt his hand moving up to my face, and I thought 'Oh, okay, he's just going to put his hand on the back of my neck or my chin or in my hair or whatever'. 

NOPE. I WAS WRONG. SO WRONG. This motherf*cker decided it was a swell idea to start choking me. At this point it would be pertinent to mention I'm a 5'8" female of average size, and he was a 6'2" stocky dude. I froze, because that's my response to threatening situations, and he leaned over and whispered in my ear 'Yeah, you like that? You like being daddy's little sl*t.' I was just sitting there waiting for him to let go of my neck, because I am pinned against the car. I finally managed to stammer out a 'Wuh-what' and he proceeded to tighten his grip and repeat the question, to which my survival instincts are screaming "SAY WHAT YOU NEED TO" so I just managed to choke out 'Yes sir' and he let me go. I proceeded to get the f*ck out of there and chewed him out after the fact." 

Their Date "Knew" The Four Horseman Of The Apocalypse


From AlmaLlama6:

"This was by far the most terrifying/hilarious date I had ever been on. Years ago, I was a junior in high school and he was in college. We had been texting casually for a few weeks. One weekend, he met my friend and me at a local concert. When it was over, the friend I got a ride from had to leave urgently, so this guy offered to drive me home. No big deal, I thought, I needed a ride. We went to dinner and it was very nice. Nothing weird nothing suspicious.

Then came the ride home. My house was about 45 minutes away through isolated freeways in the desert. (Accepting a ride was not my proudest moment, I admit) He talked the entire ride and it went from normal small talk to him saying that he has super powers. He said that when he was in high school he went to an alternate dimension and couldn't find his way back. The only way for him to find his way was to sell his soul to a merchant he found in this other dimension. When he got back to this dimension he had super powers and could control people's emotions. He then creepily leaned over and said 'I can make you feel anything right now...' 

He also said he knew the four horsemen of the apocalypse and that he was going to help me during the end of the world. At this point I was convinced I was going to end up in a garbage bag on the side of the road. But I got home safe. Never talked to him again until he was my server at a restaurant years later and was extremely awkward."