Animated 22 G.I. Joe Action Figures You Wouldn't Want in Your Platoon  

Jake Baumgart
3.7k votes 539 voters 136.1k views 22 items

List Rules Vote up the G.I. Joe toys you never wanted to take on top secret missions

With so many Joes, it was inevitable that there would be stupid G.I. Joe action figures. G.I. Joe's tagline for most of the '80s and '90s was "A Real American Hero." That means that the vast and ever expanding G.I. Joe toy line tried to represent every facet of the American armed forces. As awesome as Hasbro was at churning these little plastic dudes they definitely missed the mark once or twice. 

That's why there were enough duds, losers, and outsiders for this extensive list of the Worst G.I. Joe action figures. This is for every kid that didn't know what to do with Mainframe or the child that had to come up with something cool for Dial Tone to do while the other heroes were at war against Cobra.

So vote up the most ridiculous G.I. Joe toys and characters below, then hop in the silliest G.I. Joe vehicle you can find and hit the road. 
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1 178 VOTES
Robo-Joe is listed (or ranked) 1 on the list 22 G.I. Joe Action Figures You Wouldn't Want in Your Platoon
Photo: YoJoe
This poor guy, born Greg Scott, is just a scientist and engineer when Cobra blows up his lab and most of his body. Luckily Scott worked for G.I. Joe instead of Papa Johns, so they stick that big ole' brain inside a gaudy neon orange robot suit and shoot him into outer space.
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2 202 VOTES
Banzai is listed (or ranked) 2 on the list 22 G.I. Joe Action Figures You Wouldn't Want in Your Platoon
Photo: Water Farmer Toys
What isn't wrong with Banzai? Besides being a blonde white guy co-opting a Japanese battle cry, there's his andolier-thing made of several weapons that could turn a quick chest-punch into a mortal puncture wound. But fear not! He has also painted himself in magenta - the most ninja of all the colors!
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3 201 VOTES
Colonel Courage is listed (or ranked) 3 on the list 22 G.I. Joe Action Figures You Wouldn't Want in Your Platoon
Photo: YoJoe
Make no mistake, the colonel's primary function in the G.I. Joe organization is as a pencil pusher. In fact, his file card goes over this again and again, even listing his primary specialty as administrative strategist. It looks like the position also comes with the perk of picking out your own code name too. 
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4 138 VOTES
Ken Masters is listed (or ranked) 4 on the list 22 G.I. Joe Action Figures You Wouldn't Want in Your Platoon
Photo: YoJoe
G.I. Joe's Street Fighter line wasn't the toyl ine anyone wanted - it was the one everyone got. Reusing old body molds from previous Joes, this line was the unholy amalgamation of cross-branding and used body parts. The character with the worst treatment? Ken, seen here with more weapons than he can carry and a face that looks like he spent too much time under a sun lamp. 
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