Collectibles

The Worst G.I. Joe Vehicles of All Time 

Jake Baumgart
Updated January 1, 2018 28.5k votes 3.3k voters 1.2M views 23 items

List Rules Vote up the silliest G.I. Joe or Cobra vehicles

G.I. Joe is a real American hero, but he doesn't make great transportation decisions. That's why this list rounds up the worst G.I. Joe vehicles of all time! Sure, G.I. Joe went out of their way to attach missiles and lasers to everything, but Cobra vehicles may have been even worse. They were of the lets-pimp-this-ride-and-add-a-bazooka school of thought. Seriously, some of the color combos have to be seen because they definitely not meant for covert operations.

Yet that's part of what made these toys so great! Not only did they militarize everything under the sun and drive it onto the battlefield, but they reflected the times as well. G.I. Joe was a filter that was fitted onto so many toy fads throughout the '80s and '90s. It has it's own since of style and tone and, even with the gimmicks, it never really lost that. 

So lock and load! Hop into the driver's seat of your Pogo Ballistic Battle Ball and vote up the dumbest G.I. vehicle play sets!
1
SEPTIC TANK
SEPTIC TANK is listed (or ranked) 1 on the list The Worst G.I. Joe Vehicles of All Time
Photo: Hasbro
This is a poop box. A septic tank is basically a box. A box for poop.
Is this the worst?
2
COASTAL DEFENDER
COASTAL DEFENDER is listed (or ranked) 2 on the list The Worst G.I. Joe Vehicles of All Time
Photo: YoJoe
If a wooden crate that opens up isn't lame enough, when this thing is fully deployed it looks like a lawn chair on a tiny porch. Hey! Now grandpa can join in the battle (just don't spill his Tom Collins).
Is this the worst?
3
COBRA POGO BALLISTIC BATTLE BALL
COBRA POGO BALLISTIC BAT... is listed (or ranked) 3 on the list The Worst G.I. Joe Vehicles of All Time
Photo: YoJoe
This thing had to be an elaborate Cobra distraction. You know, lob yourself in the air like a fly ball and give Joe something to shoot at while you bring in the heavy artillery.
Is this the worst?
4
G.I. JOE ATV
G.I. JOE ATV is listed (or ranked) 4 on the list The Worst G.I. Joe Vehicles of All Time
Photo: YoJoe
You know that jerk in your neighborhood that tools around on that ridiculously small motorcycle? Well G.I. Joe did it first! Also, how is that Cobra soldier missing that guy at point blank!?
Is this the worst?