Toys The Worst G.I. Joe Vehicles of All Time  

Jake Baumgart
27.6k votes 3.2k voters 1.2M views 23 items

List Rules Vote up the silliest G.I. Joe or Cobra vehicles

G.I. Joe is a real American hero, but he doesn't make great transportation decisions. That's why this list rounds up the worst G.I. Joe vehicles of all time! Sure, G.I. Joe went out of their way to attach missiles and lasers to everything, but Cobra vehicles may have been even worse. They were of the lets-pimp-this-ride-and-add-a-bazooka school of thought. Seriously, some of the color combos have to be seen because they definitely not meant for covert operations.

Yet that's part of what made these toys so great! Not only did they militarize everything under the sun and drive it onto the battlefield, but they reflected the times as well. G.I. Joe was a filter that was fitted onto so many toy fads throughout the '80s and '90s. It has it's own since of style and tone and, even with the gimmicks, it never really lost that. 

So lock and load! Hop into the driver's seat of your Pogo Ballistic Battle Ball and vote up the dumbest G.I. vehicle play sets!
1 1,281 VOTES

SEPTIC TANK

SEPTIC TANK is listed (or ranked) 1 on the list The Worst G.I. Joe Vehicles of All Time
Photo: Hasbro
This is a poop box. A septic tank is basically a box. A box for poop.
823 458
Is this the worst?
2 1,237 VOTES

COASTAL DEFENDER

COASTAL DEFENDER is listed (or ranked) 2 on the list The Worst G.I. Joe Vehicles of All Time
Photo: YoJoe
If a wooden crate that opens up isn't lame enough, when this thing is fully deployed it looks like a lawn chair on a tiny porch. Hey! Now grandpa can join in the battle (just don't spill his Tom Collins).
785 452
Is this the worst?
3 1,134 VOTES

G.I. JOE ATV

G.I. JOE ATV is listed (or ranked) 3 on the list The Worst G.I. Joe Vehicles of All Time
Photo: YoJoe
You know that jerk in your neighborhood that tools around on that ridiculously small motorcycle? Well G.I. Joe did it first! Also, how is that Cobra soldier missing that guy at point blank!?
710 424
Is this the worst?
4 1,356 VOTES

COBRA POGO BALLISTIC BATTLE BALL

COBRA POGO BALLISTIC BATTLE BA... is listed (or ranked) 4 on the list The Worst G.I. Joe Vehicles of All Time
Photo: YoJoe
This thing had to be an elaborate Cobra distraction. You know, lob yourself in the air like a fly ball and give Joe something to shoot at while you bring in the heavy artillery.
842 514
Is this the worst?