199 voters

The Worst Offenses by Black Licorice

Updated June 23, 2020 838 votes 199 voters 5.9k views11 items

Licorice is disgusting. A lot of things have been ruined by the flavor of black licorice, and even more things have been ruined by its repugnant smell. Say you're enjoying a nice whole thing of candy beans, and suddenly, the skin around your jaws recoils as though it's been poked with poison. The culprit: a black licorice flavored Jelly Belly that sneaked in uninvited among all the other normal delicious flavors. I don't even know why they exist, honestly. This isn't Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes, where everything is a risk of a prank. Is there anything worse than getting a box of Good & Plenty in your trick-or-treat plastic pumpkin? I'd rather get pennies. Wet pennies.

Licorice (or "liquorice," gag) flavor comes from the root of Glycyrrhiza glabra, a truly abhorrent legume native to southern Europe and parts of Asia. Though it is not officially related to anise or fennel, those things still taste like it, and they are the reason absinthe tastes bad (though I still like it OK). For that reason, absinthe is on this list, even though it doesn't technically contain licorice. Sue me. Moreover, because of some unshakable lie that the smell of Good & Plentys is some sort of aphrodisiac, all sorts of perfumeries have come out with black licorice scented cologne that singes the nostrils and makes the skin crawl. Desperate guys will buy anything.

Listen. All I'm saying is that the licorice-scented scratch-n-sniff features of a picture of a nasty old witch for a reason. It's because the stench of it will ruin any child's day. If you hate a kid, set him up with the black Mr. Sketch marker and a shot of the "salt liquorice vodka" Finnish people pretend to like. He'll never bother you again.