One night stands are at an all-time high. Some people think that dating apps like Tinder and Bumble are responsible for the influx of casual hookups and flings, but maybe humans just aren't meant for long term monogamous relationships. Maybe that's why no-strings-attached coital experiences are so popular: you get to have all the fun without committing your time, emotions, or money to another person.
There's almost nothing that can go wrong with a one night stand; it's clean, wholesome fun (if done right). Except when things do go wrong, they get bad really, really quickly. The people of Reddit are, obviously, incredibly familiar with cringeworthy one night stands. Their tales are so awful you might want to remove yourself from the dating game all together.
He Just Wouldn't Leave
From Redditor /u/ShinWriting:
"You know how they sometimes won't leave right away? He didn't leave until 2:30 in the afternoon."
She Pooped In His Bed
From Redditor /u/no_objections_here:
"I ended up hitting it off with a friend of a friend who was just in town on vacation...
After a long night of flirting, we go back to his hotel and have another couple drinks in his hotel room. Everything is going pretty well and we have sex. Job done.
Now, I was a smoker at that time so I head on downstairs after to have a smoke and he passes out almost immediately.
At this point in the story, you should know that I have a very minor seizure disorder and that I can feel one coming on several minutes before it happens.
Anyhow, while I'm smoking, there is this strange guy who approaches me and tells me he has won $10,000 at a casino. I congratulate him but that isn't what he wants. He wants me to touch the money (he has a giant roll of bills). I politely decline but he keeps insisting. It's around this time that I can feel a seizure coming. Now my mind is torn in two directions. I'm desperately trying to estimate how long it would take me to get back to the room and if I can make it there before I collapse. I'm also still trying to deflect Mr. Wad-of-money who has followed me inside the lobby saying, 'Go on. Just touch it. Don't you want to know what $10,000 feels like? Touch it.'
Thankfully, he loses interest and I make it up two flights of stairs before I give up trying to make it back to the room, lay down on a landing, and have a seizure. After the seizure is done, I drag myself back to the bed and instantly pass out.
When I wake up, I notice that it feels damp and sticky between my legs. My first thought is that I must have had my period all over the hotel sheets. Oh, if only. I lift up the sheet to see that I had, in actuality, sh*t myself. The seizure must have loosened my bowels.
I'm just laying there and silently panicking. The guy I had slept with is still fast asleep next to me. I want to hurry the sheets downstairs to housekeeping but I can't do that without waking him. After many minutes of stressing out about it and dreading what I knew would be the most embarrassing morning of my life, I came up with a plan.
There was still half a can of Coke next to me on the bedside table from our drinks last night. I 'accidentally' knocked the Coke on to the bed and loudly exclaimed about it. This woke the guy up and got him to jump out of bed in a drowsy state. While he was coming to terms with his consciousness, I scooped all the sheets up in a bundle and rushed them downstairs to be cleaned. I gave them a $100 tip and apologized profusely.
I got away with it. The guy never found out. That was my worst ever one night stand."
She Urinated In Bed And Then Blamed Her Partner
From Redditor /u/diezel21:
"She pissed all over my bed then I got woke up by her in the morning on the phone to her mates saying she thinks I pissed the bed. I then check my boxers which are bone dry at the front and jump up out the bed, she then immediately hangs up the phone and starts crying begging me not to tell anyone.
I since found out from her friends that she also did it to someone else, got up during the night and rolled him in the piss and fled the scene of the crime."
He Broke Seven Teeth And Two Pins In His Wrist... And Maybe Got Laid
From Redditor /u/Mr_Cartmenez:
"It was freshman year of college and my friends had a house on the major party street in town. I go to their house and we play beer pong for a few hours, with side beers and the occasional shots and I'm getting pretty f*cking drunk. All is going well and we're having fun and the girls who live in the house upstairs come down to play. Eventually we make our way upstairs and have more shots, and now I'm f*cking sh*tfaced. I end up going to bed with one of the girls.
Well I think we had sex but to be honest I couldn't tell you. So I wake up around 6 am, and I really have to pee. I make my way into the bathroom and when I'm finished I attempt to leave. I say attempt because the door wouldn't open. Now this happens all the time in my friend's place downstairs (same layout). In my friends place we just pop out the screen on the window and walk round to the front. Well, still drunk as I am, I forget that I am in fact on the second floor.
It's about a mile walk back to my place and I regain consciousness about halfway there. I look down and my wrist is extended down and to the left of where it should have been. My face is a bloody mess, and I still have half a mile to walk. Well I walk into my room and my roommate takes one look at me and says 'dude, do you need to go to the hospital?' I mumble nahI'mgonnasleepnow and pass out on my bed.
I wake up around noon, still just completely wasted and walk into the bathroom. I attempt to pull my pants down but fall, smacking my already shattered wrist onto the bathtub. My roommates come running in and I ask them to take me to the hospital through my tears.
I had to wait 8 hours until I was sober enough for surgery. All told my wrist needed two pins and a screw, I got 10 stitches in my chin, I broke 7 teeth, one of which pierced my lip, which required 4 more stitches. Pretty sure my drink count was upwards of 20 on the night. But hey at least I had sex... I think."