Working at a restaurant might possibly be one of the hardest jobs around. In addition to the long hours and low pay, waiters and hostesses must also deal with rude, dumb, and ridiculous customers all throughout the day.
Soulless Diner Expects a Discount
"I was working as the duty manager in a steakhouse back in around 1995. We had a packed house and were running around like crazy when one of the waitresses called me over to her table.
"It was a table of four, old mom and dad and their two adult kids. The old guy was having a heart attack. When I got there, I checked his pulse, which was faint and erratic, so I put him flat on the floor. I kept checking for a pulse and felt it fade away, then stop, so I started CPR and heart massage, while telling the waitress to call an ambulance. Obviously, everyone was looking as people do.
"I continued trying to revive him and was joined by an off duty paramedic and between us, we gave him chest compressions and blew into his mouth to keep oxygen circulating. It took about 20 minutes for the ambulance to arrive and during this time we were unable to get his heart going. I knew he was dead, but could not bring myself to tell his wife and kids, so I just kept going with the CPR.
"When the ambulance arrived, they took over and decided to get him onboard and take him to the hospital. His wife and kids got in the ambulance. I was totally shaken up after having this guy literally die in my arms.
"As I walked to the kitchen to take a time out, a fat b*tch from one of the tables nearby stopped me and started complaining that it put her off her meal and ruined her night out. I was seething as she said we should have had some form of portable walls so diners would not have to watch 'that sort of thing.' I could tell she had just thought it would be a good opportunity to get a discount on her bill.
"I was livid and nearly punched her when my boss pulled me away and made me sit outside. I think my parting words were something along the lines of, 'Your f*cking night was ruined? Think about that poor family who have just lost a father, you f*cking slag.' That was the day that I realized some people are just f*cked in the head and lack any compassion or empathy.
"A couple of days later, the daughter came in to tell me her father had passed away and to thank me for my efforts. Damn, I felt so bad for her."
Crazy Woman Performs a Baptism
"I waited on this woman who carried a Bible around with her everywhere and was a general psychopath. She would pee in the booths after drinking literally 15 cups of coffee, scream at waitresses, scream at her reflection in the mirror, scream at the plants - you name it. Everyone would fight over who got stuck waiting on her, and one day, I drew the the short straw and waited on her.
"I took her order and went to put it in the kitchen. I was getting mocking laughs from co-workers. I said something to the effect of, 'Good Lord, tell me about it.' She overheard this and yelled at me saying that the Lord would not save me. Then, she dumped a pitcher of water over my head and told me I was baptized. I go into the bathroom to ring out my hair, and she follows me in, looks me dead in the eyes, and reaches up her dress to get the bloody pad she was wearing, stuck it to the wall and walked out.
"I've seen a lot of f*cked up sh*t waitressing, but that was the only time I was left speechless."
Unsatisfied Customer Lectures Server and Manager
"Two older couples came in. For the sake of clarity, I will call the two women Nice Wife and B*tch Wife.
"I knew the table was going to be difficult when B*tch Wife presented me with a handful of coupons. I explained that I could only take one coupon per ticket, as was printed on the coupons themselves. B*tch Wife threw two coupons at me and said, 'Split our checks, then.' She told Nice Wife they could just pay two separate checks. Whatever, people do that all the time.
"B*tch Wife proceeded to drink Dewars on the rocks until she was extremely intoxicated. When she ordered her steak, she asked me to have it cooked 'blue.' She flipped out when I told her we didn't do blue steaks, so she instead ordered a very rare steak. Her husband ordered salmon. I was given very specific instructions on how to cook both entrees. Nice Husband and Nice Wife look mortified.
"B*tch Wife gets her food and promptly flips out because it's not 'blue,' even though she was totally clear on the fact that we didn't do that at the restaurant. My manager, an experienced chef, goes out of his way to make the woman a damn blue steak and serves it to her himself. It is the third steak we have cooked for her. B*tch Wife lectures me for 10 minutes (I am not exaggerating) on what a terrible server I am, how the restaurant is a piece of sh*t, etc. She eats all of her steak and half of her husband's salmon and complains that their food was inedible. She demands that their entrees be taken off their bill.
"I am fuming at this point, but the manager still comps their meals. I take the check to the table for Nice Wife and Nice Husband to pay. I am lectured again about what terrible service I offered. After another 10 minutes of being scolded, I calmly told her that I understood she was upset, but that I didn't prepare her food and had served her exactly what she ordered. B*tch Wife demands to see the manager who cooked her food. She also lectured him, saying that she is a professional chef and is appalled at our inability to prepare a blue steak. The manager offers her a job at the restaurant since we obviously don't know what I'm doing. B*tch Wife flies off the handle and storms out. Her husband followed meekly in her wake.
"Nice Wife and Nice Husband left me an immense tip. They were so embarrassed by their friend's behavior that they could barely look me in the eye. They leave, and I start cleaning their table. Nice Wife comes back, presses an additional $20 into my hand, and whispers, 'I'm so sorry about the way she acted. If I'd known she would be that way, I would have just fed her at my home, but she's a chef and I don't know how to cook.' She gives me a hug and leaves.
"A few weeks later, Bitch Wife came back and got super drunk on Dewars on the rocks again. She ended up standing on her tiptoes screaming into the manager's face in the middle of a packed dining room because there wasn't cottage cheese on the salad bar.
"She was banned from the restaurant."
Racist Customer Makes Waitress Cry
"We had a waitress run into the kitchen bawling her eyes out. It took us a few minutes to find out what had happened from her. Apparently, a customer kept telling his son what he wanted, and the son would tell this waitress. When pressed by the waitress why he would not speak to her directly, he told his son to tell her, 'I don't talk to n******.'
"We chased the f*cker out of the place. We wanted to roll him, but he was pretty quick."