Janitors Describe Their Most WTF Stories

Everybody's had a crappy job, but imagine if your job was just that. Janitors and custodians are the unsung heroes running the scenes behind any well-operating school, hospital or office. They stay until the wee hours of the morning cleaning up wee. When sh*t hits the wall, it is literally their duty to wipe it off. Custodial work is not for the lazy or the faint of heart, so we've learned.

A brilliant mind over at Reddit posed the ultimate question to janitors across the world: what was the most WTF moment of their career? If you think it's just cleaning up your run of the mill mess, you will be very rudely awakened. Grab your mops and barf buckets, because it's about to get dirty.
Photo: Patrick Gallo

  • Diarrhea explosion plagues Walmart bathroom

    "When I was janitorial at Walmart, I had to clean one of the most unholy messes I have ever seen. It was a Saturday like any other, I was messing around in the back trying to look busy, and I get a page to the front bathrooms for a mess. I thought it was something minor, maybe a spill, full trash, etc. BUT NO. I get up there and the lady that I was working with was walking out of there gagging. So I mentally prepare myself for what I am about to see. I walk in with my cart, open the stall, and I see what I can only imagine is what hell looks like. It looks as if someone had exploded diarrhea F*CKING EVERYWHERE. Just climbed to the ceiling like some sort of white trash Spiderman, and let lose. It was horrifying, and of course I was the only one who could clean it, the other folks couldn't stand the smell without puking. So I manned up and got to it. It took almost an hour, and a whole jug of bleach, and I got it clean. That was about the point I realized $7.70 an hour isn't nearly enough to deal with that."

  • Summer campers take a group dump in attempt to prank custodians

    "I used to work custodial at a summer camp and it never failed that at least once every other week the kids decided it would be hilarious for all of them to take a collective sh*t. They would all go to one stall and sh*t one after the other without flushing. Eventually, there would reach a point where the water to sh*t ratio would flip and there would be more sh*t in the toilet that they would then leave for us at night to clean. The only thing more disgusting than the smell of sh*t on top of sh*t on top of sh*t is having to clean it up."
  • Rancid lunch box causes janitor to projectile vomit

    "One night we noticed an above average amount of flies congregating around a Dora the Explorer lunch bag hanging off a coat hanger in the hallway. It also kind of stinks, so I prod it with my broom, and a Ziploc bag full of brown sludge falls out and explodes on the floor. The putrid stench of whatever was in the bag hits me like a truck and I instantly projectile vomit on the floor. My friend who was also working with me as a janitor comes over and can't even come within 20 feet because it smells so bad. We shovel it into a snow shovel and dump it in the dumpster, but by then the smell has permeated the entire building. We had to open every window and basically mop the whole building with this powerful anti-odor stuff that we had. To this day, I have no idea what could have been in that bag, my hypothesis is that it was a porkchop sandwich that had liquefied and fermented over the course of several months."
  • Loaf-of-bread-sized poop clogs park toilet

    "When I was a kid I did maintenance for the county park system. In a women's restroom at the home base park we started the day at, someone left a turd the length and almost width of a loaf of bread. It was bent and you could tell they tried their hardest to flush it. We called several guys over the radio to drive over and see this thing. Then we used a piece of wood to finally chop it up and flush it down for good.

    I've never seen a sh*t that big since, and I've always wondered how something like that could even be passed."

  • Man poops in mall bathroom sink

    "I worked in a mall in Nanaimo, British Columbia. I mainly cleaned the floors in the early morning and washrooms through the day. I've seen all the typical sh*t artists writing on walls etc.

    But one day there was a full turd in the men's bathroom sink.

    Someone had to have sat on the counter and pushed one out during regular mall hours.

    Anyone could have walked in. There was no toilet paper in the sink or nearby... I radioed security to come check it out cause I wasn't sure what to do and when the guy showed up he lost it and was swearing and super pissed off.... I just sprayed it with heavy duty cleaners and left the tap running until it went away.... but really who sh*ts in a mall sink?!"

  • Vet janitor left to clean up possum carcass puked up by dog

    "Janitor at vet hospital. A dog came in on emergency with a distended stomach. After meds were given, he threw up half an opossum, in bits. I threw up for twenty minutes after helping mop up."