nicolas cage 9 Utterly Insane Things You Didn't Know About Nicolas Cage  

Mel Judson
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Everybody knows that Nicolas Cage changed his name from "Nicolas Coppola" to avoid nepotism since he's part of the Coppola (as in Francis Ford Coppola) family. Everybody knows that he was almost in a weird ass Superman movie written by Kevin Smith where Superman didn't fly, he fought a giant spider in it, Superman didn't even fly, and he got paid $20 million for it even though it never happened. And yes, everybody knows that his namesake is Luke Cage, the Marvel comics characters. This article isn't for that. That's beginner-level Nicolas Cage knowledge. You know, real Day One sh*t. This is for the stuff that you actually (probably) didn't know. You should know, at most, 3 things on this list. If you know more than that, then you either have a serious Internet addiction, are a huge next-level Cage fan, or you are Nicolas Cage. Thank you for reading this, Mr. Cage. The Rock is a great favorite film. Is the car chase in that movie what inspired you to make Gone in 60 Seconds?

Sorry. Back to you, you're reading this. 

Nicolas Cage stories usually involve people seeing him on airplanes, in Vegas coming out of liquor stores at 9 in the morning, at Target, or weirdly at a pet store (he has a lot of pets). This list doesn't even mention all the crazy sh*t that Nicolas cage has bought over the years. He's got poisonous snakes and anti-venom on the wall in case someone gets bitten by one of them, a whole metric f*ckton of purebred dogs, a castle, but still, those aren't on here.

This is a list of WTF Nicolas Cage stories that'll give you at least one thing to pull out at a party or family gathering, and will make you look so well-read that everyone's heads will grow to the size of that one Nicolas Cage picture where his head is a bird. Their minds will be blown, that's what is happening in that awesome simile. You're about to reach the height of the Hollywood scholar you were meant to be. This is your destiny. And maybe, just maybe, you can tell these facts to Nicolas Cage and he'll finally love you. Did this get weird? Yes? Well, it's about to get a whole lot weirder. Strap in, b*tches. 

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He Once Woke Up To A Naked Stranger Eating A Fudgsicle At The Foot Of His Bed


He Once Woke Up To A Naked Str... is listed (or ranked) 1 on the list 9 Utterly Insane Things You Didn't Know About Nicolas Cage
Photo:  popsicle.com

Nicolas Cage is the only person where if you hear that he was woken up by a naked stranger eating a Fudgsicle you think, "okay, sure, yeah, that makes sense." 

Anyway, so that happened to him.

When he was promoting the film Trespass (directed by Joel Schumacher), Cage disclosed that he'd actually lived through a home invasion himself. To wit: 

“It was two in the morning. I was living in Orange County at the time and was asleep with my wife. My two-year old at the time was in another room. I opened my eyes and there was a naked man wearing my leather jacket eating a Fudgsicle in front of my bed...”

He said he knows it sounds funny, but that it was horrifying at the time. The impressive part is that he could identify exactly what kind of frozen treat he was eating, and that it was his jacket (maybe the guy got to keep the jacket, who can say). He started talking to the man and led him out of the house where the police were waiting. Cage didn't press charges because the man was severely mentally ill. 

After that, he couldn't stay in the house again and moved to the Bahamas. Because that's what you did after suffering from a really weird, traumatizing home invasion; you move to the Bahamas. At least you do if you're Nicolas Cage. Again, are you Nicloas Cage? Because that would be so, so great. 

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He Hijacked A Plane's PA And Almost Got Arrested With Charlie Sheen (Who Had Cocaine)


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Video: YouTube

Nicolas Cage keeps some strange company. God knows how you become friends with Nicolas Cage. But this one time Nicolas Cage, halfway through a flight he was on with Charlie Sheen, got on the PA and told everyone he was the pilot, that he was not feeling well, and that he was losing control of the aircraft. You know, that ol' hilarious chestnut. 

After they landed, the pilot came out and yelled at Cage, "not cool. Not f*cking cool!" At this point, the door to the airplane came open and there were six armed police officers waiting for them. This is when Nicolas Cage's blind luck came in. He pointed to Sheen and said, "he had nothing to do with it." 

Sheen had an eight ball of cocaine wrapped around his ankle, by the way. 

He then just "very gingerly, very delicately, and very politely talked my way out of going to airport jail."

BONUS: Charlie Sheen and Nicolas Cage once flew from LA to San Francisco (they really should have a reality show where the two just go on domestic flights) and Cage referred to one of the flight attendants as a "Goddess" and that's where Sheen got the idea to call women "Goddesses." Which, if you didn't know, is a thing he does. For some reason. It's what he calls the women in his life. And it's weird.  

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He Got A Pet Octopus To "Help Him With His Acting"


He Got A Pet Octopus To "H... is listed (or ranked) 3 on the list 9 Utterly Insane Things You Didn't Know About Nicolas Cage
Photo:  wikipedia

Now, everyone knows Nicolas Cage bought over 50 cars, two islands, a handful of yachts, a castle, a jet, and a dinosaur skull. That's some basic sh*t. But, did you know he also bought an octopus? Octopuses are basically aliens: they have at least 12 tissues found in no other animal, possess incredibly advanced problem-solving abilities, and attract a particular kind of human being: Nicolas Cage. 

As part of what was allegedly a $276,000 spending spree, he got two poisonous king cobras and an octopus. He bought a whole damn octopus. His excuse for buying the octopus, though, was that it would, "help him with his acting." What? How? How, Mr. Cage? Maybe this is something that he said so that he could write it off. And maybe he didn't understand tax law that well. And maybe that's why he is where he is today. Aw. 

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He's Going To Be Buried In A Pyramid


He's Going To Be Buried In... is listed (or ranked) 4 on the list 9 Utterly Insane Things You Didn't Know About Nicolas Cage
Photo:  Britt Reints/Creative Commons

You know whenever you think about winning the lottery and the first thing that occurs to you is houses, cars, traveling, helping out your loved ones, and generally fixing your life? Well, this is what happens when you've done all that and have more money than God (before the IRS takes it all away). You decide to buy a burial plot in New Orleans (if you're as obsessed with New Orleans as Nicolas Cage is) and you decide that you're going to know what your tomb looks like before you die, and that said tomb will be a pyramid. 

The Ghost Rider himself has actually bought other property in New Orleans. For example, he bought a haunted house there before he had to give it up due to his tax issues, since that's a thing that totally sane people do all the time.  

The grave is currently unoccupied, stands at nine feet tall, and is made entirely of stone. It has no name on it yet, but sits there waiting for Nicolas Cage's untimely demise. He's never told anyone, publicly, why he bought it, but the reasoning is somewhere along the lines of "I-I-I I mean, I don't know. Okay? It was there. YOU try not buying it!" Either that or he has some mystical reasoning that goes back to ancient Egypt that would take about three stiff drinks to be able to sit through.