Everybody knows that Nicolas Cage changed his name from "Nicolas Coppola" to avoid nepotism since he's part of the Coppola (as in Francis Ford Coppola) family. Everybody knows that he was almost in a weird Superman movie written by Kevin Smith where Superman didn't fly, he fought a giant spider in it, Superman didn't even fly, and he got paid $20 million for it even though it never happened. And yes, everybody knows that his namesake is Luke Cage, the Marvel comics character. This article isn't for that. That's beginner-level Nicolas Cage knowledge. You know, real Day One sh*t. This is for the stuff that you actually (probably) didn't know. You should know, at most, 3 things on this list. If you know more than that, then you either have a serious Internet addiction, are a huge next-level Cage fan, or you are Nicolas Cage. Thank you for reading this, Mr. Cage. The Rock is a great favorite film. Is the car chase in that movie what inspired you to make Gone in 60 Seconds?
Sorry. Back to you, you're reading this.
Nicolas Cage stories usually involve people seeing him on airplanes, in Vegas coming out of liquor stores at 9 in the morning, at Target, or weirdly at a pet store (he has a lot of pets). This list doesn't even mention all the crazy sh*t that Nicolas cage has bought over the years. He's got poisonous snakes and anti-venom on the wall in case someone gets bitten by one of them, a whole metric f*ckton of purebred dogs, a castle, but still, those aren't on here.
This is a list of WTF Nicolas Cage stories that'll give you at least one thing to pull out at a party or family gathering, and will make you look so well-read that everyone's heads will grow to the size of that one Nicolas Cage picture where his head is a bird. Their minds will be blown, that's what is happening in that awesome simile. You're about to reach the height of the Hollywood scholar you were meant to be. This is your destiny. And maybe, just maybe, you can tell these facts to Nicolas Cage and he'll finally love you. Did this get weird? Yes? Well, it's about to get a whole lot weirder. Strap in, b*tches.
Nicolas Cage is the only person where if you hear that he was woken up by a naked stranger eating a Fudgsicle you think, "okay, sure, yeah, that makes sense."
When he was promoting the film Trespass (directed by Joel Schumacher), Cage disclosed that he'd actually lived through a home invasion himself. To wit:
“It was two in the morning. I was living in Orange County at the time and was asleep with my wife. My two-year old at the time was in another room. I opened my eyes and there was a naked man wearing my leather jacket eating a Fudgsicle in front of my bed...”
He said he knows it sounds funny, but that it was horrifying at the time. The impressive part is that he could identify exactly what kind of frozen treat he was eating, and that it was his jacket (maybe the guy got to keep the jacket, who can say). He started talking to the man and led him out of the house where the police were waiting. Cage didn't press charges because the man was severely mentally ill.
After that, he couldn't stay in the house again and moved to the Bahamas. Because that's what you did after suffering from a really weird, traumatizing home invasion; you move to the Bahamas. At least you do if you're Nicolas Cage. Again, are you Nicloas Cage? Because that would be so, so great.
Now, everyone knows Nicolas Cage bought over 50 cars, two islands, a handful of yachts, a castle, a jet, and a dinosaur skull. That's some basic sh*t. But, did you know he also bought an octopus? Octopuses are basically aliens: they have at least 12 tissues found in no other animal, possess incredibly advanced problem-solving abilities, and attract a particular kind of human being: Nicolas Cage.
As part of what was allegedly a $276,000 spending spree, he got two poisonous king cobras and an octopus. He bought a whole damn octopus. His excuse for buying the octopus, though, was that it would, "help him with his acting." What? How? How, Mr. Cage? Maybe this is something that he said so that he could write it off. And maybe he didn't understand tax law that well. And maybe that's why he is where he is today. Aw.
"I am a truly dedicated fan of Mr. Cage and will not be granting any interviews about my client as I wish to protect his privacy."
- Dog the Bounty Hunter
Yes, Duane "Dog the Bounty Hunter" Chapman (also, who knew that was his full name until just now) posted the $11,000 bond to get his friend Nicolas Cage out of jail after he was arrested for public drunkenness, domestic violence, and disturbing the peace in New Orleans. Ah, the Big Easy. You bring out the best in Monsieur Cage.
Cage allegedly got into a heated fight with his wife in a tattoo parlor. They took it to the street, where he pushed her, proceeded to punch a bunch of cars, and yelled at police to arrest him. Then they did. His wife at the time didn't want to press charges and tweeted the following morning:
My guy just walked out of the jail— Beth Chapman (@MrsdogC) April 16, 2011
damn new Orleans 8 hours holy cow that's a lot of time toProcess one guy
Mr. The Bounty Hunter had this to add:
“ I performed my duties as a bail bondsman and not in connection with our show. This is what I do for a living. There are two sides of my job: I release my clients after they have been arrested; and pick them up if they don't show up in court. I do not believe the latter will be the case for Mr. Cage.”
Nicolas Cage keeps some strange company. God knows how you become friends with Nicolas Cage. But this one time Nicolas Cage, halfway through a flight he was on with Charlie Sheen, got on the PA and told everyone he was the pilot, that he was not feeling well, and that he was losing control of the aircraft. You know, that ol' hilarious chestnut.
After they landed, the pilot came out and yelled at Cage, "not cool. Not f*cking cool!" At this point, the door to the airplane came open and there were six armed police officers waiting for them. This is when Nicolas Cage's blind luck came in. He pointed to Sheen and said, "he had nothing to do with it."
Sheen had an eight ball of cocaine wrapped around his ankle, by the way.
He then just "very gingerly, very delicately, and very politely talked my way out of going to airport jail."
BONUS: Charlie Sheen and Nicolas Cage once flew from LA to San Francisco (they really should have a reality show where the two just go on domestic flights) and Cage referred to one of the flight attendants as a "Goddess" and that's where Sheen got the idea to call women "Goddesses." Which, if you didn't know, is a thing he does. For some reason. It's what he calls the women in his life. And it's weird.