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16 Weird Ways Xander Cage And Teddy Roosevelt Are Exactly Alike

January 20, 2017 16 items

Has anyone else noticed all of the X-treme similarities between Xander Cage, star of the xXx franchise, and Teddy Roosevelt, 26th President of the United States and all-around man’s man? When you start comparing their personal stats it’s like you’re looking at the same person! Not only are they two of the manliest man’s men that have graced our national consciousness, but they also both lived life to the X-TREME! Even if this was a world where Vin Diesel and the xXx franchise didn’t exist (and thank goodness it’s not), people would still have Theodore Roosevelt to gaze upon in wonder as he snowboarded down a mountain in North Dakota, or whatever the early 20th-century equivalent of that would be.

What have you been doing with your 20s and 30s? Playing video games and learning how to foster adult relationships with people outside of your peer group? Well, that’s for nerds. When Teddy Roosevelt and Xander Cage were in their 20s, they were traipsing through the wilderness, establishing media empires, and shooting all the guns. And when they weren’t having a blast blasting off their super cool weapons they were chilling with their crew and living that #crewlife. Do you even have a crew? Or just some guys that you still keep in touch with from college? Hopefully, after reading about all of the similarities between Xander Cage and Theodore Roosevelt, you’ll get inspired to do the Dew and start living life to the X-treme. 

  • They're Both Capable Outdoorsmen

    Photo: Paramount Pictures

    You can't keep Xander Cage or Teddy Roosevelt confined to a four-walled room. They don't want to watch DVDs all day; these boys need to be outside living it up! Teddy Roosevelt was famously in love with the hunt, and he would allegedly sneak out of the White House during his presidency to take in the sights and sounds of nature. And Cage? Everybody knows he's more at home on the top of a snowcapped mountain than in a palatial estate with all of the trappings of luxury. 

  • Both Of Them Love Fur

    Photo: Paramount Pictures

    Just try and keep these two fashionplates away from their fur coats. You can't do it! Xander Cage went out of his way to get his fur coat back from English super hacker Ainsley in xXx: Return of Xander Cage, so what makes you think you could keep him from getting his fur on? And Roosevelt, he probably had moose fur underwear on throughout his entire presidency. 

  • They're Very Masculine Gentlemen

    Photo: Paramount Pictures

    Have there ever been two more masculine gentlemen in the arc of history? It's doubtful. Not only do these brutes surely know their way around a nature preserve, but they also respect a lady's input into their daily routine - especially if it involves a smooch. 

  • They Both Spent A Lot Of Time In South America

    Photo: Columbia Pictures

    As you likely know from your multiple viewings of xXx: Return of Xander Cage, the titular character spent most of his time between the first and third films hanging out in South America, listening to Reggaeton, and helping the local people catch the fútbol match. The same goes for Roosevelt, except instead of helping the fishermen of South America, he was exploring the 1000-mile long "River of Doubt," and later he would return to South America to begin working on the Panama Canal