Everyone has thought about surviving a zombie apocalypse. It's just smart to prepare for the certainty by scoping out the best places to live, what weapons to use, and whether to join up with others or carry on alone.
What most people never think about are their odds of zombie apocalypse survival by zodiac sign. People use horoscopes all of the time to make decisions in their life, present reasoning for their fears or personality, or to determine compatibility with a significant other, so why not estimate their apocalypse survival rate based on zodiac signs?
Once you have your astrological apocalypse plan in place, you can use this handy guide to figure which friends are expendable and which you'll need to start sucking up to ASAP.
Aries - Leads A Group Into BattlePhoto: Resident Evil: Extinction / Screen Gems
Aries are very confident in their ability to do just about anything; on the flip side, they're also prone to impatience, aggression, and making impulsive decisions. When those qualities meet the zombie apocalypse, you've got a recipe for disaster.
An Aries will quickly join up with neighboring survivors before moving seamlessly into a leadership role after a showcase of their natural-born talents. Once in charge, the impetuous sign insists on meeting the zombie threat head on. This ends badly for the Aries leader and their group, as the plans are short-sighted, the weapons haphazardly chosen, and a zest for a challenge clouded their judgment concerning taking such a risk.
- Photo: Shaun of the Dead / Rogue Pictures
The onset of the zombie apocalypse is hell realized for a Taurus, as it disrupts their familiar habits and sense of stability. Since Tauruses can also be possessive, it makes sense that this Earth sign hunkers down in their home and patiently waits out the death and destruction around them. They are with their food and their comfy bed and do not care to share.
While other people are moving from place to place, a Taurus will put their determination and work ethic to the test by finding new ways to solve problems caused by the apocalypse and strengthening their home against possible attacks. Sure, they miss music when the electric grids shut down, but their stubborn need to overcome this bump in the road keeps them on track and moving forward.
A Gemini will be able to adapt fairly well to society falling apart, so long as they are able to find some new friends to talk with in order to glean as much new information as possible. This sign falls in with the first set of survivors they meet in an attempt to avoid a solitary life, but soon begin to question their decision.
While in the group, Gemini makes lots of friends with their innate ability to talk to anyone. They become the group member everyone comes to when they need some genuine human interaction or feedback about ideas.
Alas, the Gemini soon begins to crack under the pressure of being confined to one place. They start to lash out at the routine of their new life. As soon as a new group or a new set of circumstances presents itself, Gemini will jump ship and start the cycle all over again.
- Photo: The Walking Dead / Microsoft
A Cancer doesn't trust anyone they don't already know. This works out amazingly well for their family and friends, but not so much for any strangers who try to join their gang of survivors.
Generally, Cancer would gladly walk to their death in a group of frenzied zombies if it means protecting a beloved family member. Until that day arrives, Cancer is able to persuade their group to keep moving forward while providing emotional support to anyone struggling with this new life.
This self-sacrificing attitude doesn't bode well for longevity, however; if a Cancer survives the first week of the apocalypse, everyone will be surprised.