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The Best 'Zoolander' Movie Quotes

Updated February 26, 2020 748 votes 332 voters 151.6k views13 items

"Zoolander" movie quotes allow viewers to get inside the head of three-time male model of the year Derek Zoolander as he ponders the important things, like if there is more to life than being really, really, really, ridiculously good looking. So grab an orange mocha frappaccino and some crazy pills and enjoy the finer moments from the 2001 comedy film "Zoolander."

Starring the likes of Ben Stiller, Owen Wilson, Will Ferrell and Christine Taylor, "Zoolander" provides a look into the competitive world of male modeling, Two models, Derek Zoolander (Ben Stiller) and Hansel (Owen Wilson), go from being sworn enemies to joining forces to stop an evil assassination attempt by clothing designer Jacobim Mugatu to kill the Prime Rib Roast, erm, Prime Minister of Malaysia.

Along the way, viewers learn that being a male model is tough, especially when all of your roommates die in a freak gasoline fight accident and you have to give their eugoogooly at the funeral, then someone offers you a center for ants instead of a Derek Zoolander Center for Kids Who Can't Read Good and Want to Learn How to Do Others Things Good Too. It gets worse when you're not an ambi-turner, you know, someone who can't turn left, and you're brainwashed at a day, spelled D-A-I-Y-E, spa.

As awesome as these funny "Zoolander" quotes are, the film was considered somewhat of a flop when it was first released. It later became somewhat of a cult favorite and attracted such a strong following that Ben Stiller, Owen Wilson and many others have signed on to produce a sequel, set to hit theaters in 2013. So practice your Blue Steel, your La Tigra and of course your Magnum. Zoolander is back, baby!

Click here to watch the full movie.

  • 5. Ex-Squeeze Me, But Have You Ever Heard of Styling Gel?

    Video: YouTube

    Brint: "Or the way Hansel combs his hair? "
    Meekus: "Or like, doesn't, it's like, ex-squeeze me, but have you ever heard of styling gel?"
    Brint: "I'm sure Hansel's heard of styling gel, he's a male model."
    Meekus: "Uh, earth to Brint, I was making a joke."
    Brint: "Uh, earth to Meekus, duh, I knew that!"
    Meekus: "Uh earth to Brint, I'm not so sure you did cuz you were all 'well I'm sure he's heard of styling gel' like you didn't know it was a joke! Ha ha ha!"
    Brint: "I knew it was a joke Meekus, I just didn't get it right away!"
    Meekus: "Earth to Brint..."
    Derek Zoolander: "Would you guys stop it already?"

    Nothing is funnier than a group of really ridiculously good looking, but extremely eggheaded male models arguing about styling gel. That is of course until you add in an Earth-to in every sentence! Rest in peace Brint, Meekus and Rufus.


    Click here to watch Zoolander.

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  • 6. Crazy Pills

    Video: YouTube

    Mugatu: "SHUT UP! Enough already, Ballstein! Who cares about Derek Zoolander anyway? The man has only one look, for Christ's sake! Blue Steel? Ferrari? Le Tigra? They're the same face! Doesn't anybody notice this? I feel like I'm taking crazy pills! I invented the piano key necktie, I invented it! What have you done, Derek? NOTHING! YOU'VE DONE NOTHING! NOTHIIIING! And I will be a monkey's uncle if I let you ruin this for me, because if you can't get the job done, then I will!"

    Right as it's time for Derek Zoolander to kill the Prime Minister of Malaysia, he stops, much to the displeasure of Mugatu, who follows with a lengthy tirade about everything from inventing the piano key necktie eons ago to how Derek Zoolander looks are all the same. As much as assassinating foreign leaders is bad, Mugatu does have a point.

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  • 7. Magnum!

    Video: YouTube

    Derek Zoolander: "One look?... ONE LOOK?! I don't think so!"
    (Derek reveals Magnum)
    Hansel: "There it is"
    Todd: "Magnum"
    Larry Zoolander: "Holy moly"
    Maury Ballstein: "Yeah baby! That's what I've been waiting for!"

    After being told repeatedly that he only has one look, he just names it different things, Derek Zoolander unveils Magnum, the big look he's been working on for years. While it really is the same look at Blue Steel, Ferarri and Le Tigra, it stops Mugatu's throwing star in mid-air and saves the Prime Minister of Malaysia from a certain death.

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  • 8. You Can Read Minds?

    Video: YouTube

    Matilda: "I couldn't understand why I didn't look like them. I just didn't get it so I became, so, um, I became..."
    Hansel: "What?"
    Matilda: "Bulimic"
    Derek Zoolander: "You can read minds?"

    Since clearly Derek and Hansel see nothing wrong with throwing up after every meal, especially right before a big shoot or show, they are utterly perplexed when Matilda admits that she suffered from bulimia. To make matters worse, Derek confuses being bulimic with being someone who can read others' minds, which are two things that could not be more different from one another.

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